


HST- The B Side of Stupid

by LadyScribe_12



Series: Heroes and Dumb-asses [2]
Category: One Piece
Genre: But you're not, Friend Insert, Love you D, Luffy Being Luffy, Luffy Being an Idiot, Luffy typical violence, Multi, Pirates, Unreliable Narrator, except he's not this cool, which means
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2019-07-03 00:23:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 32,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15807552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyScribe_12/pseuds/LadyScribe_12
Summary: Two friends, both alike in dignity, which is to say none or very little. In fair and muggy North Carolina where we lay our scene…From a gentle faire to high seas piracy. Where two friends might become enemies, might become Heroes or quite possibly wind up dead. But as many stories start, this one starts with a really Stupid dare.





	1. The B Side #DemonHunterFTW

Dustin felt like a train had hit him or maybe a small tornado hard to say lying on his back as he was. It wasn’t the first time he’d woken up like this, he worked in retail after all. Normally though, it was more of an emotional train wreck and soul sucking feeling than actual pain. “Yaaaay~~~all new pain.”

            Dustin tried to sit up and quite unexpectedly-lost cohesion. The person sized vortex of air kept talking though. Although talking was a mild term for the hysterical laughter that was emanating from the whirl of air. “Holy shit! It worked, Kaze wasn’t lying at all. Fuck yes I am invincible! Hahahaha”

            “Shishishi” POKE “Hey how’d you do that? OH do you have a Devil Fruit too Windy?” Dustin, shocked, tried to reform himself into a more person shaped…thing, he mostly succeeded too. The legs were a bit breezy at the moment, but the rest was definitely human shaped now. “Oh shit, am I…you’re…Is this East Blue?” Dustin was having what Taylor usually referred to as a Moment.

            Again with that memorable and familiar laugh “Shishishi, yup! This is Foosha, Windy. I’m Luffy and I’m going to be the Pirate King.” Dustin can’t help himself, being here is both terrifying and a relief. He can’t hold it in anymore and bursts into another vortex. This time more mobile than the last. He heads behind a convenient boulder to emotion in private. His thoughts slow as he regains human form again. He realizes that this means no more Ingles. No more asshole managers. No More working retail. He is free, he is finally fucking free! Oddly enough it’s all thanks to anime. Oh fuck-he’s in an anime.

            “You okay Windy?” came from above, it was proceeded by a loud snap of rubber appendages. Yikes that was way more disturbing looking in person. Arms just shouldn’t *do* that you know? “Uhhhhh yea, yea I think I’m okay. Luffy right?” Dustin managed to make that sound far calmer than he felt. Still reeling from fact that tomorrow he’d still be here and not at work!! The excitement was putting more emotion on his face than he could recall showing in years.

            “That’s me, who are you Windy? You fell outta the sky, you know, but then you were a wind monster and then you were people again and then a wind monster again and now people!!! Do you poop?” Luffy delivered all that in one breath while invading Dustin’s personal space with his last question. He was staring Dustin down as if the answer was of the most importance. “The name’s D-*cough* Du-” Dustin coughs hard as he attempts to say his own name. That’s right though, there had been a price to get here. One that apparently included is real body and an inability to say his name. A price that wasn’t too much in his opinion though, thinking quickly about who exactly he’d gotten these new wind powers from he tried again *cough* “Sorry, The name is Kaz, of the-uh-Passing Wind and I sure hope I still poop.” Kaz sort of pokes at his own body, solid for the moment at least. “Either that or I fart on just an epic scale.” The newly renamed Kaz smiles back at Luffy hoping the humor isn’t lost on the other boy.

            There’s little to worry about though, with another “Shishishi” Luffy falls off the top of the rock he’d been sitting on. As they share a laugh Kaz starts to think about his situation and about how to maybe befriend Luffy the best. Luffy looks a little younger than what he had at the start of the anime. Maybe that’s because this is so terrifyingly real, but Kaz doesn’t think so. He falls quite as Luffy starts poking him to see if he’ll turn all windy again. “So Luffy, you want to be the Pirate King huh?”

            Luffy gets a determined gleam in his eye and for someone who normally looks so carefree his entire demeanor shifts. Luffy looks Kaz dead in the eye and from way too close. “I will be Pirate King, Windy, just you wait.” Incredibly impressed and a little intimidated, Kaz decides it’s time to chase his own dream down too. It’s a sudden decision, but so far impulsively chasing a better life had worked for him today?...had it been a day yet? Eh well *shrug*.    Besides, there can’t be a better way to become a famous author than by writing down the crazy-ass adventures of the Second Pirate King. Kaz’s smile stretches across his face “Damn, I believe you Luffy. You know what? If you’re going to be the King of Pirates then I want to be the most famous author in the world! I want to write and tell stories from all over too! ” he makes the declaration with enthusiasm and Luffy lights back up in return.

            “Then Windy should join me! We can be Nakama and you can tell stories all the time and Windy can travel!” Luffy was so excited, finally someone who believed him AND wanted to be the best at something too. Only people who dreamed like that can be on the Pirate King’s crew after all. “We should celebrate! We need meat!” Luffy jumps up off the ground where they’d sat down. He starts running enthusiastically towards a town down the road nearby. Well Luffy is cutting a path through a field, but that’s Luffy.

            “Shit. Really? Just like that?” The newly re-named Kaz is stunned. He seriously thought it’d be harder to earn a ride alongside Luffy, let alone be Nakama right off the bat. Kaz’s bemusement is cut short when he remembers that he had not been alone before meeting his devil fruit… “Shit, I lost Tater, she’s going to be so pissed.”

An Idiot is an Idiot No Matter the Flavor

            “Ooooh that was weird. Tater did you feel that shit?” Dustin leans on his knees, waiting for the dizzying sensation that had swamped him at the forest’s edge to ease enough to open his eyes. “Ay yi yi yi” His last clear memory was firmly based in being at the ren faire and goading Taylor into eating a nasty smelling fruit. It had worked and Taylor had made the funniest face, but even he had to admit the fruits they’d picked up were the grossest thing he’d ever put in his mouth. Truck-stop bathrooms he’d licked previously had tasted better. Way better…and less like despair wrapped in sadness. What even had those things been…

            This was not the Ren faire. It wasn’t even near a fucking forest. Upon opening his eyes Dustin had been assaulted with a strong breeze bordering on a whirlwind. It seemed to lessen up a bit and as it did he finally got to really take in the scenery. He appeared to be inside of a massive storm system. A solid wall of wind and debris was encircling him and when he looked down he startled. Immediately turning his face up and away from what appeared to be a drop of several hundred feet. With a hand clapped firmly over his eyes Dustin leans down hesitantly and pats around his feet. It feels solid enough, at least is doesn’t feel like he’s about to plummet to an incredibly messy end.  Good. He can, he can work with this.

            “Hey man, you got a second?” Dustin hears a lethargic voice wheeze out behind him. Dustin slowly turns his head, trying to move as slowly as possible and finds a pale eldritch looking face Far too close to his own. The face bears little to no emotion but its eyes are large and again too close. “oh shit.”

            Dustin quickly steps away from the person? Being? This guy(?) had been standing right up behind him and he hadn’t even noticed. Oh, oh the other guy was smiling now. That’s too many teeth. Is this how people feel when he does that?  Dustin looks down, he still appears to be in the eye of the storm though the ground beneath him continues to streak by. “Uh, well I guess I’ve got nothing but time up here.” With a vague shrug Dustin looks up again making eye contact with the creature/person/thing.

            The being across from him perks up marginally. The dude is lanky, as in might not be human lanky, but there’s a strength to his limbs, Dustin is really sure this thing can kick his ass. Scary and unnerving as he was at least he didn’t look pissed off by Dustin’s retreat. He even might look pleased with his captive audience’s participation in the conversation. Little victories and all that.

            “Great, my dude. I was afraid there was going to be a lot of negative feelings on your part...good to see I chose well. Now, how would you like to learn ta fly?” Again the voice sounds like a dry breeze. It’s disconcerting in someone who looks like seven foot tall washed out scarecrow. Like a hippy scarecrow in leather vest straight out of the 60’s and some bellbottom jeans with-wait was he wearing socks AND sandals? 

            Not really knowing how to take this weird eldritch hippy Dustin chose to ignore his pale I-might-be-a-vampire-I’m-so-white skin and hair and deal with the potential threat to his life. It would be really lame of this guy to use that as his kill line. 

            “If you’re just going to drop me outta the sky could you at least have a better kill line than that?” The beings eyes get impossibly wide before he answers, his face showing a slow forming confusion. Like he truly did not understand how that line sounded to normal people. Then again…

            “Kill you? Man, no, I mean, not intentionally, I mean what is death but a new beginning my friend, my bro, amigo...” Okay he definitely had no concept of how normal people word-ed.

            “Well look at it from my perspective, you decided to have this conversation in the middle of a hurricane. Then you asked me if I wanted to learn to fly.” Dustin’s normal monotone even managed to sound a bit strained. In his defense, this was fucking weird. 

            “Huh.” The creature looks about them and seems to be taking in how far off the ground they are and how large the storm system is around them. “Touché my friend, hold on let’s pull up a cloud and relax a bit yea?” 

            Dustin watches as the person/thing just fucking dissolves in front of him. Then a strong wind barrels past him and into the wall of the storm. “Huh, how ‘bout that” the moderate response Dustin managed to voice hid the greater ‘What The Ever Living Fuck’ factor that was seeing a Scarepire dissolve in front of you and apparently go gather some clouds?

            Scare-pire had returned before Dustin could really think about what’d he had just seen, but was firmly pushing into the Thoughts-for-later box. 

            “Here we are amigo, chill with me a bit, let me explain somethings.” Dustin gets comfy on the cloud, which is possibly the most comfortable thing he has ever touched with his butt. Dustin groans as he relaxes, stretching out on his side and propping his fist under his cheek. “You have like two minutes before I rage nap my way out of this.” Dustin’s ability to handle this level of crazy was fast approaching its limit.

            “Right, Hello. I’m Kaze or Kaz and –I– am a devil fruit.” Kaz says with an even tone and bemused grin “Now you Dustin.”

            “Huh, like the uh anime devil fruit thing? Like in One Piece?” Dustin decided to ignore the whole psychically knowing his name thing.  Kaz’s face lights up with a delighted gleam, “So you’ve heard of us then, well me mostly, you’re only allowed the one after all. Do not eat another.” The statement is punctuated by a loud clap of thunder. Then the air cleared and Kaz’s face went back to his previous wide eyed creeper glare by the end. Emotions were hard, Dustin understood. 

            “I can honestly say I didn’t plan on it” Dustin answers. Truthfully, it would be hard to plan for a fictional fruit to fall into your hands let alone two. “That’s excellent man, you’re a good dude. Now how would you like to learn to fly?” The sad part was that Kaz delivered that line with the same creep factor as before, they were just sitting down now is all. 

            “You should really work on your sales pitch amigo.” Dustin decided that it might move the conversation on to the actual pitch if he asked a few questions. “Why do you want to teach me to fly? Do I have to grow wings?” It was an important question. 

            “What? No man you’re gonna BE the air beneath other’s wings, you’re gonna soar cause that’s what air does, we like float and shit, we can’t help it. You’re gonna let loose all these burdens you got going on and just whoosh~ like a breeze...” Kaz even made a little gust flow as he ‘whooshed’ his hand between you. “Like that my dude, all you got to do is let go of your Earth stuff and embrace the inner air.”

            “So just like let it ALL out? Are we talking like a belch or a fart here?” Dustin leans forward, sitting up, trying to read between all Kaz’s weird hippy talk. Where does a devil fruit even pick this shit up?

            Kaz lets out a high-pitch giggle and rolls off his cloud. As he hits the pseudo floor of the storm he dispearses again and reform about 2inches in front of Dustin’s face. It’s startling for a number of reasons namely though it’s how Kaz’s hands are framing his face. And the smile is back. Too. Big. Much Creepy. “I like you little dude. We are gonna get on like Mure and things, like Magno and metal my friend. Now all you gotta do is agree to let go…

            “Does ‘letting go’ mean I don’t have to go to work tomorrow?” Dustin sounds vaguely hopeful. Kaz claps his hands “You are never going to set foot in fucking Ingles ever again my dude. I promise.” Kaz holds out his hand to Dustin. Dustin hesitantly takes it and stares at Kaz expectantly. And waits…it gets awkward quick. Kaz is just sitting there staring. “Uh, Kaz? Is something supposed to be happening?”

            Kaz laughs and shows an actual emotion for once. “Yea man, you gotta let go first though.”

            “Oh. Uh, right” and as Dustin let’s go of Kaz’s hand and immediately starts to fall through the cloud seat and then the ‘floor’ of the storm. “KAZ” Dustin can’t see him anymore but hopes this wasn’t some elaborate trick to kill him, seriously could have saved some conversation and just gotten on with it.

            “Don’t worry buddy, I told you-We FLY” Kaz shouts as he dives through the clouds. His lower half has formed a whirlwind and is propelling him downwards. Dustin takes a moment to savor the relief, right before Kaz turns into wind entirely and blitzes right into him. Dustin feels incredibly cold for a moment then loses consciousness. His last thought is to notice he is still falling and has picked up speed. This is going to hurt.

 

             

           

 

 

#TheB-sidePart2 #Go-gurts

            Kaz-who-once-was-Dustin followed Luffy across the field and into the town. They went into a bar where Luffy headed straight for the bartender. Who happened to be a somewhat familiar face for Kaz. She could be no other than the dark-haired Makino, who had tended the bar during Shank’s visit to this island.

            After introductions were made and Kaz made sure Makino did not think his name was actually ‘Windy,’ Kaz excused himself he needed a moment to just freak-out and take stock in peace. Luffy was stuffing face and unlikely to start trouble here of all places, so Kaz felt it’d be okay. He locates a bathroom and thankfully a mirror. What he sees confirms that when the devil fruit Kaze said earthly he meant No-longer-Dustin’s body as well as his name.

            The new Kaz is definitely not the 27 year old Dustin was. Kaz is probably about 15 or 16 and not as tall as his devil fruit had been, but he feels more in shape than his old body ever did. Maybe he’s a little better off coming in so young. He has pale-purple hair and it is longer than Dustin had been able have in a decade, down past his shoulder blades. He could get used to this. At least he didn’t come out as scarecrow-thin as his devil fruit, still not huge but wiry instead. As long as stuck near Luffy he might even come out of this in one piece too. Heh, puns. Right, time to eat and then maybe figure out this whole…thing. Luffy probably had a plan…or a vague idea of how to train up a new devil fruit user…right? Bueller?

            But then, Kaz had a more Dustin-than-Kaz thought _should_ he hang around Luffy? Should he really risk messing up the plot line? Knowing what the fuck is going to happen is kinda Kaz’s superpower right now. What if he ruined Luffy’s character development? There’s just certain fights Luffy HAS to be a part of, things Luffy has to learn to get stronger. Or what if Kaz fucked up getting someone on the crew! Kaz really wanted to be a part of this journey. To be apart a something this huge and important. He would have to be careful, he decided. He couldn’t risk replacing any of Luffy’s crew, but he could help Luffy find them. He could keep Luffy from nearly dying so much later on too. He’d just have to watch how strong he himself really became. Or maybe just keep his true strength secret. “Argh this frustrating, how am I supposed to hide this shit from Robin?” He decided that he’d just have to give it his best shot. Besides Robin wouldn’t show up until the Grand Line any way. He could do this. He could.

Yeah. Best to hang back with Usopp and Nami. He could at least help keep them safe and their main attack was to hit and run until the Grand Line anyway. He could work with that. It was a good way to help the crew without going too far.  This was going to be so stressful, but he had a feeling it’d be fucking worth it. Alright time to get shit done, with that Kaz returned to the bar area.

            “Oi, Kaz-u! Come eat with me!” Luffy could speak remarkably clear for someone with what looked like an entire beef shank in his mouth. “Oh Kaz-san, you’d better hurry and grab something before Luffy-kun eats it all.” Makino was smiling at him and set a plate down at the bar….which Luffy was reaching for right now. In a bid to save his only meal today Kaz attempted to dissipate on purpose this time. Kaz could feel his body go almost shockingly cold for just a split second before he felt…different. It was odd being the wind. It was like being a floating consciousness or something. Like was this how ghosts feel? “Shit, Luffy! Put that down I’m hungry too!”

            By the time Kaz got to the bar even with his wind form speed burst, Luffy had eaten all the meat on Kaz’s plate. There were just vegetables left, Luffy had even eaten the rice...this was going to be a long… ‘Shit’ Kaz realized he didn’t even know how long it’d be until Luffy left for the Grand Line. *sigh* Kaz knew he was a slow eater there was no way he’d be able to defend all his food from Luffy. That was a depressing thought, this was really going to be a long however long it was going to be. Vegetarianism _was_ better than starvation he guessed. Kaz ate his fucking vegetables.

            They finished up lunch and Luffy proceeded to drag Kaz away from the remnants of his meal. “Come on Kaz-u! We have to get back to Dadan’s before dark.”

            “Geez wait up Luffy, why do we have to be there before dark?” Kaz vaguely remembered Dadan as the bandit lady who essentially raised Luffy and Ace. But he couldn’t think of why Luffy would care if it got dark or not before they go back to the bandit camp.

            “Cause it’s hard to see in the dark Kaz!”

            ‘Ah right’ Kaz thought ‘Luffy’s sense of direction is just slightly better than Zoro’s. Best hurry and keep up’

            “Uh right, you are not wrong”

And so Kaz and Luffy entered the jungle and headed towards Dadan’s Bandit camp.


	2. #JustThrowYourFriends #Subsection:HowToAvoidBeingEaten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to meet the bandits.

            “Oh god” Kaz had lost sight of Luffy for, like, 10 seconds and now he was staring down the largest fucking pig/boar thing he’d ever seen. *deep breathe* “AHHHHHHH~~~~!” Kaz bolted, Luffy had been swinging through the trees like fucking Tarzan and there was no telling how far he’d gotten. _‘That shitty piece of rubber...’_ Without being able to count on Luffy for a rescue, running was the best bet.

            Kaz rushes over to a large tree and attempts to climb it unsuccessfully. As he is sliding back down he hears the boar thing crashing through brush and definitely getting closer. ‘SHIT. Where’s Luffy when you need him’ Kaz turns and sees that the boar, definitely a boar with those tusks, has stopped about 10ft. away and is pawing the ground. As the boar lines up and charges, Kaz panics. This was not his usual standard panic. It was a Mobile Panic with wind powers. Kaz dissolves again into a much larger vortex than before. Putting more effort into it and trying to be bigger than the frankly fucking huge boar.  

            Lucky for Kaz the Mobile Panic works well with wind powers. Kaz creates a full body whirlwind that has enough power to suck up the boar. Kaz isn’t sure this is a good idea, it in fact ups the amount of pure fear coursing through his veins. In turn the sheer panic seems to work in his favor as the rate of rotation increases. The boar is having an equally bad time its attempts to thrash its way free only increase Kaz’s panic making the whirlwind grow in strength. It is difficult to say how long this might have gone if not for Luffy returning.

            Luffy’s shout of “KAZ!” startles and loses control of his shape just as the boar is aimed at a tree. *SMACK* Kaz slowly reforms beside a now unconscious fucking huge boar. Luffy stretches his arms down to land beside Kaz. “Good work Kaz-u I was getting hungry. That was a cool move though! What’s it called??” Kaz is stunned that he managed to knock something as big as that boar out. He honestly did not manage any of that on purpose.

            “Uh, I kinda just panicked at it?”

            “Shishishi idiot, that’s no good Kaz you have to have a cool name for it too!”

            “Who are you calling an idiot…*sigh* I can’t really be clever when I’m hungry. Tell you what you leave me a few ribs and I’ll come up with something.”

            “Eh? Sure, we have to cook the whole thing, you don’t waste meat, Kaz.”

            “Right. Let’s drag this thing to the bandit’s before it wakes up then. And remember you promised, I get at least 3 ribs out this.”

            “Shishishi”

            “I’m fucking serious Luffy”

            Luffy just continues to laugh and start dragging the boar off into the foliage. Not wanting to get lost and get another face full of angry animal.

            The duo continues on, thankfully, unmolested by any other giant ass creatures. Luffy does have to punch the boar out when it starts to come to once again, but just the once before they finally find the bandit camp where Luffy lived. Luffy rolled into the campsite yelling for Dadan. Kaz couldn’t help but think rolling up like this may not be the best idea.

            Dadan hearing the commotion outside bursts out of the door “Luffy! Where have you been?”

            “Hey Dadan! I brought meat, cook it for me, yeah!”

            “Luffy! Who the heck is that??” Dadan shouts as she catches sight of Kaz. Kaz realizing that Dadan has a history of not being terribly happy about new faces waves sheepishly from behind Luffy. _‘I’ll just let Luffy do the talking, I think, and keep him and the pig in between me and the Ax wielding bandit lady, yup.’_ Luffy, ecstatic to tell Dadan about his new found nakama gave a rapid fire and not very accurate retelling of how Luffy had found Kaz on the road to town.

            Kaz was watching the vein in Dadan’s forehead pulse and grow in sick fascination when the previously knocked out giant-ass-boar woke. And it woke up angry. The only warning anyone had before chaos erupted was an explosive snort. Luffy, who had dragged the colossal boar in by its right tusk, was therefore the easiest victim for the oncoming rampage.

            After the explosive snort had cut Luffy short, the boar exploded into action and grabbed Luffy by head before the kid could really get any hits in. Then of course the screaming started. Dandan was yelling at the boar or maybe at Luffy, Kaz couldn’t really tell. Kaz was personally frozen in terror for split second, before grabbing Luffy’s legs and back tracking as fast as he could. Turns out that pure panic is a hell of a motivator and wind can move fast.

            The high speed retreat might have even worked…had Luffy not been made of rubber. As the stretch of Luffy’s body started to strain Kaz lost traction when he lost cohesion in his legs trying to gain more speed. The snap back of Luffy’s lower body plowed both Kaz and Luffy’s legs into the enraged boar. The boar was startled enough to let go of Luffy as it was knocked back onto its side.

            Dadan swiftly gathered herself to save her charge from the giant pig and charged forward and expertly planted her ax up to the shoulder of the blade into the boar’s skull. Kaz happened to be trying to stand up and gather up Luffy as the blade struck home. The resulting spray of blood and brain matter covered him head to toe on his left side. He was drenched in the gore.

            ‘ _Oh, oh no._ ’ “ARRRgGGH” with a horrified yell Kaz drops Luffy and tries to wipe the gore off. Luffy who, now that Kaz thought about it, probably had been in little danger of being chewed to death due to his rubber-ass was now laughing and pointing at the mess all over Kaz.

            Filled with spite and the left-overs of his horrified panic at the gore on him, Kaz simultaneously thought of an attack name for his cyclone attack and something that’d shut Luffy up. ‘ _Well it’ll get him as nasty as I am right now and I’m petty enough to be okay with that._ ’

            “SPIN CYCLE!” Kaz bursts into his logia form and rapidly spins as he had before. This time Kaz concentrates on ridding himself of the disgusting debris smeared across his person. To his surprise when he stops spinning, his vortex had been strong enough to splatter the majority of the clearing in front of the bandit’s house. _‘Well that’s probably not going to win me any points, but hey, clean again. That’s a win.’_

            It might have been a win, if Kaz had missed Dadan too. His vortex however, had evenly coated the debris to all in the clearing. Dadan wiped her face and leaving her ax embedded in the remains of the pig skull advanced on the boys.

            “You little shit!” Dadan made a grab for Kaz and sensing the murder attempt in his immediate future Kaz dissipates again and appears behind Luffy. Dadan was furious, this was apparent, not that that stopped Kaz. “Hey now, I was exactly fond of getting pork brains in my hair, we’re all going to have to learn to cope with what has happened today.” Thwarted by Kaz’s ability to literally slip between her fingers, Dadan turned to yelling at the source her problems.

            “Luffy, who the hell is this and what is he doing here? You’re not supposed to tell people where we live! That’s the point of living out here!”

            “Shishishi. It’s okay though ‘cause Kaz is my Nakama. He won’t tell anyone.” Luffy was beaming. Clearly proud to have a Nakama before even technically being a pirate. Kaz was still keeping Luffy between him and Dadan, but leaned around Luffy’s hat brim to give Dadan a reassuring thumbs up. The reassuring part was probably not as strong as it could have, had Kaz not still been giggling nervously the entire time. 

            Dadan was not amused and apparently not having Luffy’s bullshit. But Luffy and her went a couple rounds of No-he-isn’t-yes-he-is-he’s-Nakama. Before Dadan relented reluctantly.

            “Argh, fine Luffy ONE night. But he’s out in the morning no questions!” Dadan huffed her way back into the house, dragging the boar with her for cooking presumably. Kaz let out a sigh of relief. This had been a long day for him and he was feeling the strain of using his devil fruit so many times. _‘Admittedly, fucking cool as all hell. But I’m dead right now’_

            Everyone moved toward the house and seemed inured to Luffy’s nonsense has he bragged about how Kaz had taken down the boar the first time. _‘He’s definitely embellishing it a bit, but it was nice to have someone talk me up like that. Goddammit Luffy, I feel loved. Fuck, what do I even dooo with that?_

            Kaz was having a moment. Luffy was really just a genuine good person. _‘Like, he’s also a pirate and a totally food thief, but...’_ But Kaz could see it, he could see why people followed Luffy in that moment. Kaz wasn’t sure he’d take a hit for Luffy quite yet, dying for him was right out too, _‘but yea, I’d do a hell of a lot to travel with that guy.’_

            “Oi, new kid, you best hurry. Dadan’s not going to wait to cook that. If you wanna eat you gotta get in there.” Says a big guy with a weird red mohawk.

            _‘Oh that’s dogra? No, Mogra?...Chicken-man. MAGRA, that’s it.’_

            “Wait, you mean she’s already cooking that thing?”

            “Oh, yea. Dadan’s real quick with the butchering. She’s probably already got it over the fire. She won’t hold any back for you though, since you won’t be staying long…and Luffy doesn’t leave leftovers.”

            Kaz was already turning towards the house in dawning horror. “LUFFY! You fucking promised me a rib!” Kaz could just hear Luffy laughing from inside. ‘ _That little shit isn’t going to save me anything._ ’ And with that thought Kaz slammed his way into the house and ghosted under several legs trying to get to the front of the line where Dadan was already turning meat on a colossal cooktop inside the kitchen area. Luffy was currently rolling around Magra’s opposite Dogra of the cloth egg-head. _‘Well if Luffy isn’t paying attention, I might get meat!’_

            It was sadly not to be. After cooking all the meat and tossing Luffy out of the kitchen entirely twice, Dadan simply broke the boar down into what should have been individual servings, were it not for Luffy, and tossed a massive platter full right through Kaz’s head and into the waiting hands of the bandits behind him.

            Kaz had to reform his head and by the time he had turned to grab some boar most of it was gone and Luffy was about to shove the last piece in his overstuffed mouth. “Damnit, Luffy!” Kaz dove into his wind form and came up on the other side of Luffy panting. He even had –most- of a giant rib left. _‘Time to go!’_ Kaz stuffs his one chunk of meat in his mouth and starts zig-zagging through bandits to confuse the stretchy arm he can just ~feel~ catching up to him. Kaz ducks and semi-ghosts though one bandit’s legs, he hears a startled yelp and knows how close Luffy is getting.

            “Kaz! Give me back my meat!”

            Through a mouthful of his re-appropriated rib “NO! You pru-missd me Un.” Kaz keeps dodging Luffy and almost makes it to the door before Luffy’s arm shoots past his shoulder. In a last ditch effort to protect his meat Kaz strains to keep arms away from Luffy’s grasping hands. To his astonishment his forearms dissolve and his hands float forward. Due to his surprise at even being able to do this, Luffy catches up and snags the last bite of meat from his hands.

 “GOD DAMNIT LUFFY” Kaz just watches time slow down as Luffy shoves the remaining bite in his now empty mouth and Kaz has to sigh. _‘This is going to be the saddest fucking theme of my life now, I can feel it. Should probably be grateful he can’t really chew on me, the little shit.’_

            Kaz lets what little fight he has left go out of him in a breath. He turns towards an unoccupied corner and leans his full weight against it. ‘ _I am super beat. I thought I was dead before, but using these wind powers like crazy is tiring on a whole new level. At least I won’t wake up sore as shit tomorrow. ~~Yay~~ Logia powers. ZZZzzzzZZZzzzz_ ’

            Kaz was out like a light and snoring in no time. He had accomplished much in his first day in One Piece. Hopefully, the second would not be as traumatic…


	3. #OnePieceTake2 #TheLawOfInevitability #FlyingLessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 2 of Kaz's journey. He's totally getting the hang of this Logia thing. No, really

            Kaz awoke as the bandits started to leave for the day. As they were not very quiet about it and Luffy was a heavy sleeper, Kaz even managed to snag a complete bowl of oatmeal to eat. He savored it. If things continued the way they had been going it was likely the only meal he wouldn’t have to fight Luffy for. ‘ _Not the breakfast I’d usually go for, but it’s hot and no one is trying to steal it.*sigh* I miss you bacon._ ’

            Just as Kaz is finishing his breakfast, he’s tackled to the ground by an over enthusiastic Luffy. “Kaz! Let’s go find breakfast. Dadan never makes anything good here.” Kaz found it unsurprising that Luffy wouldn’t be up for oatmeal of all things. So Kaz stood up with Luffy still attached to his side like a demented koala. Luffy was shorter than Kaz by a head so it wasn’t exactly a chore to haul him around. ‘ _I’ll at least carry the crazy lug to the forest. But he’s walking after that. If only so he can punch all the shit that’s going to try and eat us today._ ’

            Kaz walks to the forest edge before dissipating out from under Luffy, leaving his new captain to bounce along the ground until Kuffy can untangle the knot he’s tied himself in. “Luffy, you should be careful about tying yourself in knots. You never know what’s nearby in this crazy place.”

            And as if summoned by Kaz’s comment or maybe by Luffy’s weird brand of luck, there is a distant:

*craCK*

            And then a thud that both boys feel more than hear. Luffy stands and laughs “Don’t worry Kaz-u, its just breakfast. C’mon let’s go find it!”

            “Of course you want to go towards the loud noise.” ‘ _On the other hand, I might get actual meat for breakfast. Instead of just sad wet oats._ ’ “Well let’s get a move on Luffy. I haven’t screamed in terror yet today, so we’re behind schedule.”

            “Shishishi, let’s go this way!” And with that Luffy launched himself into the trees like the night before. “Ahh geez Luffy, ccan’t we just waaAAAHHHGH!” Kaz’s complaint turns into his first scream of the day as Luffy tosses back an arm to grab Kaz. Kaz is summarily launched past Luffy and into the trees. Trees which are blurring past at a rate that should not be experienced outside cars and rollercoasters. Kaz can just here Luffy cackling behind him ‘ _That bastard is having the time of his life back there. ~I’m going to die~_ ’

            Kaz is panicking until he realizes that he’s inevitably going to hit something if can’t figure out how to steer. Luffy had either accidentally or purposefully thrown him in a direction that while definitely in the forest proper, was a natural corridor. Kaz probably had about 30 seconds to panic his way into a method steering before he hit something. ‘ _Think man, think….fistipuffs._ ’

            Kaz tried just to disperse one hand at a time, flicking his fingers open and closed. It worked. Mostly. On his first attempt he dissolved his entire left arm and strafed abruptly to his left. Dangerously close to the passing trees. Trying to straighten out and get away from the tree line. Deciding to a tiny bit less oomf in the next shot, Kaz tried again. ‘ _Come on just the hand, just the hand. Maybe out loud like Luffy does?_ ’ “Fistipuffs!”

                        Kaz laughs. It worked. Back safely in the middle of the natural corridor Kaz continues to weave spastically back and forth dodging vines. “Holy Shit, Luffy I think I got this!” Kaz can hear Luffy shout something behind him, but he’s actually traveling faster than the rubber Tarzan behind him. “What? Brie?...oh fuck”

                        Kaz turns his attention back to the direction he’s flying…only to see a fucking massive tree coming at him. The natural corridor is coming to a very solid end. Kaz has no time to dodge around it. He’s coming in to fast to really stop soon enough. ‘Well at least the pain will end when I ghost out again’ Kaz thinks dismally as he prepares for impact. ‘I can’t do this’

            “AHHHHHHHH”

            Kaz lets out his second scream of terror of the day in as many minutes it seems. To his astonishment Kaz slows as his screams creates enough force in the opposite direction to slow him down. By the time Kaz is close enough to his the tree, he is no longer going so fast that he splatters into wind again. He still smacks the tree fairly hard, but he still manages to get a hold of some vines growing up this mammoth of a tree. “Oh thank God. I think that’s the first time screaming saved my life.”

*CraaaaAACCK*

                        “Oh boy is it time to get out of this tree. LUFFY, little help”

*CREEAAAACCK*

                        Kaz felt the tree he was clinging to shudder hard as Luffy landed on his back. “Uh Luffy, that wasn’t you right? You didn’t hit this particular tree right?”

                        “Huh? What are you talking about Kaz? I-wh-whoooaa”

                        And with that the world starts to shift. ‘ _O-oo-h I think that’s the tree falling…the tree that we’re on…fuck._ ’ “Luffy JUMP”

*BooOOOOOMMM*

                        Kaz and Luffy jump to the ground and promptly lose their footing when the tree hits the ground behind them. The shuddering continues for some time, keeping both boys off their feet and riding the aftershocks out. As the earth calms from the tree’s fall Kaz can hear laughter. ‘ _That’s not Luffy’s laugh_ ’

            “WHA-ha-ha-ha! Luffy! I see you’ve been training again. Have you decided to join the Marines yet?”

            Kaz stops and a high-pitched terror fueled whine escapes from his mouth, he can’t even hear Luffy’s adamant “NO, I’m going to sea to be King of the Pirates. Kaz is going write all our adventures down for us. He’s Nakama now!”

            Kaz weighs what he remembers of Garp ‘ _Crazy, crazy-strong punches, Marine with a capitol M…no thank you_ ’ and with that decision, Kaz attempts to stealth away. His fatigue from his flight making him sluggish he can’t disappear before Luffy singles him out as not only a pirate, but Luff’s crew.  

            Kaz stops trying to disappear, knowing at this point it is probably useless against someone of Garp’s strength. ‘ _Goddamnit, Luffy_ ’ Kaz takes a solid second to wonder ‘ ** _AM_** _I Strawhat, Techinically…*sigh* yes I am._

            “Hey, Luffy’s Grandpa, how-how are you doing?” ‘ _Oh God, he looks FURIOUS_ ’

            “LUFFY! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU TO QUIT SAYING THAT SHIT??! YOU’RE GONNA BE A MARINE!”

            Luffy, as always, refuses to take that lying down and attacks Garp. Luffy gets the ever living shit punched out of him after two swings. ‘ _O-oh no. Well there’s no turning back now._ ’ Kaz takes the 10 seconds that Luffy uses to get his shit wrecked to hop back and try to two hand a fistipuff into something useful. ‘ _If Goku taught me anything it was to use both hands and don’t think too hard._ ’

            “Kaze…” Kaz widens his stance and cups his hands together leaving his fingers spread. Drawing them to his right side and concentrating on drawing power into the air there. ‘Holy shit this is working!’

            “Hame…” Kaz looks back to Luffy to see him take the second punch and go down hard. Giving Kaz the little push he needed to get involved.

            “HA!” Kaz shoves both arms forward and releases the ball of air he’d condensed at Garp’s head. It goes horrifyingly wrong from there. Kaz doesn’t quite manage to send the condensed air anywhere, instead it releases its pent up power and erupts backwards into Kaz. The generated wind tunnel shoots Kaz back and through a sapling behind him. “~ouch~”

            “WHA hahaha. Good try young’n, but you’re no Marine yet. Now Luffy, you’ve got some training to do.”

            Kaz drags himself out of the debris field his exit had created. *sigh* “Can I please have my Nakama back?”

            “Nakama huh? You claiming this bratty Grandson of mine is your Nakama?”

            Kaz inhales and grits out begrudgingly “Yeah, Luffy is my Nakama and he’s…he’s going to be King of the Pirates and I am going with him to chronicle the events…” Kaz stands tall but closes his eyes in preparation for the blow he knows is coming.

            “Clearly you both need a good beating to straighten you kids out.” Garp doesn’t even wind up for the swing, just hammers down on Kaz’s head. Thankfully without the proper application of Armament Haki Kaz is simply dispersed.

            “ouch, at least that was temporary pain…” Kaz mutters as he reforms and unfortunately reveals that he is a logia.

            “Ohoho, a little logia user. That won’t get you out of training brat. FIST OF LOVE!” Garp’s fist is immediately coated in shiny black and it descends with a vengeance. Kaz is plowed into the ground head first.

            “Well now, a logia here in East Blue of all places. You’re going to make a fine Marine one day brat! Once we beat this ‘Pirate’ nonsense out of you.” Garp has apparently decided that Luffy’s pronouncement of Kaz’s Nakama-ship is enough of a character reference to semi-adopt Kaz on the spot. The fact the it might also mean recruiting a baby logia user into the Marines makes it all the more important the new brat get a little trained up along with Luffy. Besides the brat had heart, he’d clearly known he outmatched but had tried to come at Garp anyway.

            “OWWW, There’s the pain, ah-ouch, Luffy heelllppp” Kaz hangs limply as he and a now struggling Luffy are carted off for Garp’s version of training. There was no escape at this point. Both boys were in for a week of pain. Kaz couldn’t remember exactly how this training actually went or if the anime really explained it, but he knew that at the bare minimum if he could survive this, he’d be ready to leave the island with Luffy when it was time. Kaz was determined to make it. ‘ _I can’t let Luffy go it alone. I WILL survive this. I hope._ ’

            And so it begins, the long road to semi-competence.


	4. #ExpeditedShipping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luffy and Kaz blast off. Adventure hooooo.

Luffy and Kaz are out "adventuring" which Kaz knows generally means training or dicking around until someone gets hungry. Today was supposed to have been different, but now Luffy was attempting to beat a python to death with a lead pipe. It had turned into a game of whack-a-mole when the snake had taken refuge in a rock pile. ‘ _Whack-a-snake just sounds dirty._ ’

' _We're supposed to be gathering supplies so we can get off this island before Garp makes us join the marines. Not re-creating carnie games. ‘Course we’d be ready to go **already,** but Luffy ATE most of what we’d gathered!_’ Kaz took another moment to wallow in frustration at Luffy’s bottomless pit of stomach. They were never going to make to another island at this pace.

“Come out snake! I’m hungry!” Luffy was using the pipe to leverage rocks off the pile now. The going was slow and Luffy was completely missing that his intended lunch was sneaking out the back of the pile behind him.

Kaz was continuing lament Luffy’s idiocy to himself. He’d learned that it would do absolutely nothing to tell Luffy off out loud. *sigh* ‘ _We even have the raft built already. We just need supplies. If he does it again, I will…probably just cry._ ' Kaz really didn’t want to be a marine and was desperately hoping that his being…alive in general wasn’t what was taking so long for Luffy to leave. Kaz wasn’t sure he could handle being responsible for single handily derailing the entire plot for the show…or worse.

“AHA, there you are Lunch! Get on the campfire, Meat!” Luffy had at last noticed the lengthy python trying to inch away.

Kaz was sitting nearby and not particular enthused about potentially eating a snake. ' _Has to have a lot of bones in there.  Though it’s not like I'll get much of it anyway. Luffy’s not eaten in like hour after all._ ’ Kaz's thoughts turn kind of sour at that. He had spent two years on this island with Luffy. It'd been a certain kind of hell wandering after a fellow 17 year old who acted like a younger brother who could also bench press a bus. Kaz had been dragged, cannoned, catapulted, and used as an animal trap for all of it. And that’s including all the food theft. There had been a colossal amount of blatant food thievery, Kaz had essentially been a vegetarian for two years now and not by choice.

‘ _I just want a whole plate of bacon to myself. Just one. Just once. Never has that been more unlikely. Tater wouldn’t have stopped from eating a whole plate of bacon. Judged me sure, mocked and shamed me for it? Most definitely, but she wouldn’t have **stolen** any of it._ ’

It hadn't been all just horrible treks through the jungle and near starvation. Though it should be noted that any day without meat, counts as “near starvation” for Kaz or Luffy, but back to those jungles. _'I'm an indoor kid, I don't do nature. If we haven’t been training, we’ve been hiking. Adventure times used to mean car rides and maybe getting lost with Taylor, but **in** a car._ ' Kaz was just whining at this point. And not even about the real horror that walked these woods.

Garp was determined to be in their lives, mostly at the cost of their physical well-being. ‘ _Still can’t even land a hit on him most days. Doesn’t really do anything the times I do though *sigh*_ ’ Garp dropped by at least every other week, hung out for maybe two and then dropped their beaten asses back at Dadan's place before he shipped out again. He didn't even really try to call it training anymore, just "camping" with an implied "while I kick your asses at everything and insult piracy in general."

 

The highlights had been any time he and Luffy could get down to Foosha and therefore see Makino. Makino who had worked hard to clothe both him and Luffy. Though recently they had both resorted to rummaging in the great trash pile of Goa. It had certainly made a comeback since being set on fire. But growing to 7 foot even in two years was hard on clothes. Especially when you were built like a toothpick. Makino had done her best. Luffy was in his standard getup, hat and all by now. Kaz...Kaz had been forced to improvise.  

His current salvaged attire included a tattered formal dinner jacket with tails but now sans sleeves that was an interesting shade of charcoal gray lined with a really unflattering shade of maroon. Kaz also had found some baggy pants, that looked like real pirate pants as they tightened at the knee. Those too were a worn-out black that was fading fast. The purple-y-gray sash around his trim waist was the only thing hiding the gaping hole in the pants crotch. Kaz simply thought of it as an improvised fly. All topped off with the only pair of sneakers in all of Goa that came in shit brown. At best, Kaz’s whole look could be best described as a hot mess.

            Makino had put up with all the growth spurts and training related clothes destruction and still regularly performed maintenance on their remaining clothes. She was by far the nicest person on this island and apparently the only one who felt bad if they hit you in the head. _'Even the Mayor tries to hit us with his cane, shit hurts when you're not expecting it even as a logia'_ Kaz had been caught rummaging loudly in the Mayor's cast off like an unwanted trash panda, as demonstrated by the Mayor chasing him back to treeline with his cane.

 

The one benefit Kaz had seen to Garp’s so-called training was that Garp emphasized stealth as part of Kaz's "training" to be "the wind" so the Mayor guy had only Kaz the once. Kaz had gotten to the point where he could go into full wind mode and actually steer now. So, progress had been made. _'Still can't punch for shit though, Luffy still has to finish off everything in this hellscape off. Garp hasn't even bothered to "train" me with my new fan._ '

 

Kaz had picked up a fan on one of the boy's trips to, what Kaz called the trash pile, The Dollar Store. It was mostly intact and therefore...serviceable. The addition of the ever controversial "dust devil" to the fan still made Luffy laugh. It was definitely not a poop emoji. No matter how brown it was. The lack of variety in colored paints had really come back to bite Kaz in the…well ass.

 

*thwack*|Thud|

 

"Oh hey, snake for lunch...yaaaayy. Luffy how do you plan to cook that? It's not going to fit on the stake over the fire." Luffy was trying to pull the damn thing out of the rock pile by its head. It was a huge fucking snake though and not going to fit on the fire pit they’d made, even if he got the rest of it out of there.

As a note snake is actually eaten in many cultures and anything resembling a rattlesnake usually tastes like chicken, our heroes(?) would not be able to enjoy their meal today though. Rather unfortunately for both of these boys their meal was about to be interrupted.

In the distance Kaz caught the edge of loud *thump*. It happened in this jungle A LOT, just due to the sheer size of the local fauna. But then it happened again. Closer this time, louder. *THump*.

 

>>CrreeaaakkkkkCRASH<<<<

 

Kaz perked up and really started paying attention then. While various bumps, thuds, and fighting sounds were common. There still weren't many things out there that could knock down the overgrown trees around here. ‘ _Unless it wasn't an animal._ ’ And if it was who Kaz feared, he was back early this time around and the raft still wasn't stocked up. ' _Oh no!_ '

 

In the distance another tree fell and it was close enough that Kaz could just make out a familiar outline inside the jungle. Equally regrettably, the figure could also see him. And it was exactly who Kaz didn't want it to be.

 

"There you brats are! About time you showed up!" Garp yells, like he wasn't the one who found them. "Your Advanced Training is going to start TODAY! You boys are ready to be Marines and I’m here to induct you!"

 

Kaz froze. _'He said Advanced Training?!? Like with the capital letters and everything!? ~~OooOOoooh NOOoooo~~~_ '

"Luffy we need to go NOW. I won't make it through Advanced Training Luf, I just won't." Kaz hadn't taken his eyes off Garp's shadowy form and that's when he noticed Garp was carrying something on his back.

 

"Luffy! Your Grandpa’s brought a weapon with him"

 

"WhhaaaT?" Luffy thought that was just as concerning as Kaz apparently. This was NOT helping Kaz calm down any. ‘ _If Luffy sounds panicked then it’s totally fine if I do it right?_ ’ If this was a new pattern for Garp that not even Luffy had lived through? Then it was time to fucking go, for good. _'We'll just fish for our food. Yea that sounds right. Luffy only eats meat any way and if all we have is meat then I’ll have some too. Totally fine. Everything is fine._ '

 

"Don't you brats even think of running away this time! We're going to the marine base pronto to get you two signed up today" Garp was doing that extremely scary thing where he spoke in declarative statements only. It always made it seem like there was no escape.

For everyone but Luffy that is.

Luffy would not be swayed or intimidated.

Not ever.

*DEeeeep inhale* "I'm going to be KING OF THE PIRATES Gramps!" Luffy was also clearly gearing up for a charge and that, that was a bad idea. That was going to get them caught. Kaz had one more _'Oooh Nooooo'_ all to himself then dove into action.

 Kaz’s speed had improved far past what he suspected. He literally blurred into action, spearing Luffy around the middle and tossing him to his own shoulder in a fireman's carry. Then Kaz did what only Usopp could claim he was better at in this series. He ran the fuck away.

 

@@@@@<<<<< Kaze-Haze-No-BYE

 

Kaz was going faster than he could ever remember previously being able to do. It would serve him well because Garp had very much seen where they had re-entered the forest and Monkey D. Garp wasn’t known as “Garp the Fist” for just punching things. He had the best aim and a throwing arm that could launch cannonballs faster and farther than using an actual cannon could get you. Just with his hands. He just yeets things that hard folks.

 

*KERthunk* ~~twaaAAaang~~

 

Garp had ripped a tree branch off one of the fuck-off-huge trees and thrown it like a fucking javelin at the retreating wannabe pirates. It had landed a measly half foot in front of Kaz. “AAAAHaaahaaahaha” Startling out scream out of him. Escape would not be easy. But for their dreams it must be done today. Kaz bucked up, ‘ _Time to step up_ ’

 

Kaz pushed himself as hard as he knew how and managed to turn his legs into a miniature whirlwind. Looking a bit like the Roadrunner with this impromptu technique born of blind panic and determination, Garp was left in their dust, for once. Or rather, he neglected to stop them there really. The boys weren’t going to question good fortune.

 

Two solid minutes of sustained half flight that Luffy, now riding Kaz's shoulders, was treating like roller coaster and then they hit the central plaza in Foosha. So far it was only dust in Kaz’s wake. Makino's place was in sight and she was in the middle of moving several barrels inside. Their goodbyes would have to brief. Kaz wasn't going to fool himself into thinking they'd actually lost Garp. He'd know where they went, he always knew.

But Kaz had a thought and sped over to her. "Makino!" Makino, angel that she was, seemed happy to see both boys again so soon.

"Hey kids, you look like you're having fun today." Makino smiled and laughed as Kaz disappeared out from under Luffy and reappeared closer to her.

Luffy landed lightly, no longer surprised when Kaz ghosted out from under him. "Shishishi. Yea, Gramps found us is trying to make us leave to be Marines and stuff, so we gotta go. Can we have some meat?"

Kaz was kind of hoping Luffy would get what he was asking for. He usually did. ' _Stupid will of D gets Luffy everything. It’s so unfair. He gets the Will of D and I’ll get is my own Last Will and Testament.'_ but while they had a second…

"Yea we gotta go in like 2 minutes, but I wanted to say thanks for being awesome and putting up with us for so long. And we kinda don't have any supplies, since one of us is a bottomless pit." Kaz really did like Makino, she was the one person who was nice and normal. She's been anchor for him in the sea of chaos that constantly surrounded Luffy.

"Oh goodness, here take these two barrels. One's salt pork that was mis-shipped to me anyway, I won't miss it. The other's apples. Oh! and take this one too, you'll need water more than anything." Luffy grabbed all three barrels with rubbery arms and an excited thanks and ran to the pier they'd hid the raft under.

Makino turned to Kaz then "It's been no problem dear. You've been such a good friend to Luffy and I know you'll keep each other safe. Stay out of the water and watch out for that big seaking out in the bay. Try throwing some pork in the water. He'll leave you alone then."

 

_'Makino is too kind for this world. I’m not going to cry, I’m not going to cry_.'

"Don't worry, we'll be fine!" Kaz said with false cheer. He'd just heard another ominous |THhhuud| in the distance. Garp was closing in. Kaz said farewell to Makino once more and bolted towards the pier.

"Luffy? Ready to go Captain?"

"Come on Kaz-u, time to set sail!" Luffy was beaming. It was easy to get on their, frankly, death-trap of a raft with Luffy looking like that. That unabashed confidence in himself was what Kaz really admired about Luffy.

Kaz ghosted over in his wind form and finished helping secure the barrels. Barrels which took up most of the space on this raft. _‘Do we even have a sail? We do have a sail! I knew that, I can get us out of here fast with this. I can do this. Believe in yourself, like Luffy believes in you.'_

 

"Luffy we got to go fast. Garp was at the edge of the village when we left Makino."

 

"AHHhhh I don't wanna be a Marine!" Luffy starts trying to paddle with his fucking hands at that point, much to Kaz’s frustration. _'Bless his heart, he tries._ '

 

"Yea me either, it sounds awful. Tie yourself to the mast and hold it steady there buddy." And with confidence he didn't know he even had Kaz says " Because, I? I have a plan." If it were anyone but Luffy on that raft, they’d have the common sense to be terrified at that statement. Lucky for Kaz, it was just them.

With Luffy securing the mast to their ~~death trap~~ raft. Kaz ties his sash around himself and the rope lashing the barrels together. He then sits on the barrel furthest back from the mast with his feet facing the sail and holding on for dear life. _'I might lose my pants doing this, but I ain't becoming a marine without a fight'_

"Ready Luff?"

"Let's do it Kaz-u!"

"Sustained Kaze-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH" the blast exits Kaz's shoes in a steady burst. The raft takes off like a bullet.

 

!ZoooOOOOooooOM!

 

The small craft rockets off from the pier to Kaz's screams of terror and Luffy's joyous cackling. But it seems Kaz’s plan has worked. They are speeding out of the bay and Garp hasn't stopped them. It's all sunshine and screams right up to the point where the Shank’s-Arm-Eating-Seaking rises out of the bay. It is ghastly in person. Growling loudly, before letting out an ear-splitting roar.

And Kaz can’t help but to see and hear it. It's the largest thing he has EVER seen and he's lived on an island of giant fucking animals for two years. ' _That is too many TEETH!’_ Blessedly, Luffy has the solution to most of life’s little problems and all the big ones.

The additional benefit of moving as quickly as they are is that the Seaking doesn't even have time to react as Luffy square’s up and springs out towards the monster’s face. The momentum adds to Luffy's already impressive punch and Luffy KOs the big dragon looking thing back where it came from in an instant, leaving Luffy triumphant and airborne.

At least until Luffy shoots out a rubber arm to raft, steadying the spindly mast before it can break off. Luffy dares a look back to his childhood home and waves. This was it. This was the start of becoming a real Pirate!

The Seaking might be defeated, but the tidal wave of its defeat is barreling down on the two boys. Two boys who literally cannot swim to save their lives…

"AAHAAAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Kaz's terror fuels his wind burst and the raft is neatly skimming the waves now, far ahead of the roaring wave behind them. Honestly, any faster and they'd likely be airborne.

Luffy whoops as he sits down in front of the mast, no longer staring back. The promise of so many adventures were out in front of him, he didn’t want to miss a second of this. Luffy continues to wonder idly how far Kaz could keep this up, as Kaz's terrified screams fail to subside with their increasing distance from shore.

“Shishishi, Kaz-u’s gotten much stronger lately. We’re going to have so much fun!”  Now he only needed maybe 10 more people to have full crew.

The title of Pirate King was his for the taking. He could feel it.


	5. #IWokeUpLikeThis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaz and Luffy accidentally motivate a future Marine while punching pirates in the face...

Kaz hadn’t realized he had passed out, not at first really. He was just floating for a second before he realized how cramped it felt. ‘ _Why does it feel like something is standing on me…oww._ ’ The pressure increases until a resounding crash has Kaz landing flat on his back. He’s definitely on a sturdier surface than the escape raft…and Luffy is fucking standing on him for some reason. “Luffy…get the fuck off me.”

            “Ah? Oh Kaz-u, you’re awake. Shishishi, you made the raft go really fast! We almost flew all the way over that whirlpool! Don’t worry we’ll get it next time.” Luffy was going to be the death of him Kaz could tell.

            “Oh! Suuuure we’ll just sail back around, let’s hope Gramps isn’t, oh I don’t know, out looking for us?!” Kaz snarks hard at Luffy while ghosting out from under him. Only way that ass is going to get off of him any time soon clearly.

            “Wahhhhhh! NO! We can’t go back until Gramps is gone! He’ll kill us!” Luffy, the overactor, is pulling on his face and just screaming at this point. The yelling stops abruptly and Luffy sniffs the air. That’s when Kaz notices the other people in room. There’s two douchebag looking pirate types bracing a third unconscious pirate type between them.

‘ _Oh I remember this bit. Looks like Luffy already scared the piss out of ‘em. Yup_ ’ Kaz is negating that, while Luffy had bitten through two swords right in front of the “douchebag[s],” Kaz had also turned into a loose breeze under Luffy and then reformed right in front of their eyes. East Blue isn’t known for its devil fruit users, so his own actions contributed to the panicked retreat now in full swing.

            “Y-you you’re a devil fruit user??” a terrified voice stutters out behind Kaz.

            “Oh, gross. Luffy, you missed one.” Kaz knew damn well who Coby was. He just didn’t really care for the little wimp until he found his spine, and that wasn’t happening until after the Ax-man Morgan fight. ‘ _Ugh, I’m too tired to deal with this and hungry too. Funneling that much wind at the sail was a chore. I don’t think I’ve ever been able to hold it that long. Panic greases the wheels or something something… feed me._ ’

            Luffy laughs some more then starts heading for a double door to his right. Coby flails past Kaz in an attempt to get them to run away. Kaz just has to speak up at that point. They are clearly on a ship, where would they go?

            Kaz pulled Coby off of Luffy’s arm by the t-shirt he had on. “Dude, we’re in the middle of the freaking ocean. Where exactly are we going to run to? Think about it.”

            “Wahooo, Kaz look food! There’s no meat, but there’s of cheese and fruit. You like apples, right?”

            Kaz just sighs, he knows it’s not intentional on Luffy’s part, but ‘ _Goddamnit_ ’ out loud all Kaz asks is “What kind? Those nice red ones or the funny colored yellow ones that taste like limes? I’m not eating those again. You won’t get me twice with that you little shit.”

            “Shishishi”

            Kaz sets Coby down, well he drops him, and strides into the pantry. Luffy usually doesn’t scarf non-meat items with the same enthusiasm as real meat, but no sense taking chances. That’s when he notices a problem. Kaz and Luffy may have come through the whirlpool unscathed, but Kaz’s inability to consistently phase his clothes into his element has caused a fatality. ‘ _Fuck, I blew out my shoes. Again._ ’ It is not the first time nor is it likely to be the last. Kaz resolves to check all future unwary foes for replacements, there weren’t going to be any giant trash piles nearby to rummage through out here.

The boys and Coby continue on into the pantry proper and two of three dig in while Coby panics in a corner. Kaz loads up on what are definitely the good apples.[1] Just shoving as much as he can in his mouth before also grabbing a hunk of cheese for later. Luffy is stuffing his face and asking Coby about the ship. It’s not till he hears Coby say the “Alvida-sama” that he cues into where they actually are.

            ‘ _I wonder if I can spot Nami? I know she’s here, somewhere…I’ll keep an eye out. It’d be worth it to see her in action. Oh god, I’m going to meet Nami….help.’_

            Kaz refocuses on Coby making some speech about being a useless little fucker. ‘ _Dude, 2 years on a pirate ship, why didn’t you just jump off at the dock???._ ’ Kaz is making a face, he knows he’s making a face.

Luffy responds with a chuckling “Man, I hate you, you’re such a wimp! Shishishshi”

Kaz has to agree, this kid needs to get his life sorted. ‘ _Well I guess he will shortly. Just got to get to port somehow…eh Luffy will get it._ ’

Kaz goes back to eating while Coby tries to tell Monkey fucking D Luffy he can’t go after one piece. ‘ _Puh-lease_ ’

Kaz smacks Coby in the back of the head as he starts yammering on and on about being a Marine. “"Gonna stop ya there. One, I think you got the wrong audience. For Two, aren't you like, a Pirate Busboy? Footstool? Not the best resume, right?"

“No. I’ll become a Marine and I’ll even catch Alvida-sam NO Alvida”

*CCccccrrraaaAAASH*

“YOU’RE GOING TO CATCH WHO, COBY?” Alvida lands nearly on top of them. Kaz is just trying to process how she manages to walk around being that wide. ‘ _I bet she waddles. She has to waddle._ ’

Several swords burst through the door where Luffy is standing. But he merely moves away with a frown. “Rude. You shouldn’t attack people from behind.”

Luffy turns to Kaz who’d jump back on a ledge to dodge debris. “Who’s this big chunky lady?”

Kaz’s mouth opens before he can even think “Oh shit, Luf! Get the harpoons! Thar, she blows.” He dramatical gestures to Alvida, he wants her to know that insult is all for her. All 400lbs of her.

The shocked expression on her, the pirates peering down into the whale sized hole in the deck, and Coby make Kaz really proud of that joke. Alvida herself also looks like her head is about to explode.

There’re at least 7 veins threatening to give way in her face at both comments. “YOU BRATS”

Luffy ducks around Alvida’s spiked club and grabs Coby. “Time to go, Kaz!”

“Yup!” Kaz flies up through the gapping hole in the ceiling to find himself on deck…with the rest of Alvida’s crew… ‘ _shit_ ’

Thankfully, Luffy is the main target and Kaz just takes his post by Coby while the rubber-man does his thing. Which is mostly fucking with these guys as he runs back by them with a mob on his ass. He’s cackling and doing a poor job of pretending to be scared. ‘ _Good thing these guys are idiots._ ’

Luffy is playing around and leaving unconscious pirates in his wake. Kaz subtly shuffles over to a downed enemy to see if those shoes fit. Those won’t work, so Kaz starts inspecting downed pirates further away for better footwear. ‘ _Oh! There’s a tall young man, with better taste than the people of Goa’s trash._ ’ Kaz has moved some distance away from the actual fight now. Luffy trailing opponents towards the front of the ship.

Just as he gets his torn-up sneakers off he hears Coby scream. There’s a previously downed pirate coming at him.

“Stay right there pinky, Alvida-sama can use you to make that rubber menace stand still and take his beating like a man.”

Kaz is having a problem deciding if he really has to save this little twat from being used as bait. Deep down, he knows that Coby is actually useful to the plot or something later. Luffy doesn’t care about him, _yet_. So, Luffy might actually let them hurt the annoying little shit. ‘ _Luffy’d beat the shit out of them for doing anything like that after it for sure, but…fuck. I have to save him._ ’

Just as the guy reaches out for Coby’s trembling, useless body, Kaz ghosts up behind Coby and readies a one-armed gust at the guy. _‘I hope this does more to him than Garp._ ’ Coby scrambles over to the relative safety of Luffy’s back.

            “FISTI-PUFF!” Kaz shouts to throw out the swirling vortex his hand becomes. This attack rarely even makes Garp twitch. But Kaz throws his power into now. Coby makes a scrambling exit out from under Kaz, but he’s far more worried about not actually being able to pull this off than where Coby might be going.

*BAP* *Nyooooomm~~~~~~~~~~~~*

However, to Kaz’s great surprise the attack launches this guy down the deck, clearing a path through several other pirates as well. Kaz is dumbfounded. Never, in the history of ever has he been capable of such awesome power. In fact, Kaz has just cleared the rest of the ship’s deck on his side of the ship.

“Holy shit! LUFFY did you see that?? Did you fucking see how awesome I just was?”

Kaz turns around just in time to hear the end of Coby’s second impassioned speech about “being a Marine” that again ends in screaming. And in time to see Luffy take Alvida’s last swing to the head defending Coby, of all people, then “GUM-GUM NO PISTOL”

Alvida is sent rocketing off the ship and towards the horizon. Beating Kaz’s strike by a fuck of a lot.

“…Oh fuck you.” Kaz is done with this day.

Luffy beats some guys behind him into readying them a ship without even acknowledging the cool thing Kaz just managed. ‘ _I helped, damnit._ ’ Kaz gives it up as a lost cause and goes to collect ‘his’ new shoes. He manages to lay his hands on him, as several cannon balls find the ship.

Kaz’s first heart wrenching thought is ‘ _Shit, Garp’s found us!_ ’ only to remember that it’s far more likely to be Morgen’s forces. Taking a deep breath, he flies past Coby who is waffling about the whole Marine thing again. “Honestly pinky, just tell them you knocked all these ingrates out. How are they going to know the difference?”

“That’s not going to work! These guys already know I’ve been on Alivida’s ship for a while!”

Coby is literally shaking and Kaz is done. He shoves a shrieking Coby into the small escape boat with a roll of his eyes. ‘ _Ain’t nobody got time for this kid’s shit._ ’ They get into the water and he assists their escape again by providing some wind for their sails alone. Lucky for them, Coby can actually navigate. Kaz and Luffy had basically just been going wherever the wind (Kaz) took them.

As they sail towards Coby’s island and Morgen’s base of operations, Coby tells them what are clearly some made up stories about Zoro. They sound cool, but Zoro is in no way, shape or form and actual demon. Badass with a sword fetish? Yes. Mindless, bloodthirsty-beast…uh-uh. Nope. This is the same guy who let’s Chopper the adorable reindeer ride his shoulder after all.

‘ _That’s terrifying and all, but if we wanted to lose him all you have to do is find an intersection. He’s guaranteed to pick the wrong way to go._ ’

Deciding that he can’t mention that, but can pick on Coby a little more, Kaz sneaks up on Coby by ghosting from behind the sails and tapping him on the shoulder. Not unlike what Kaze no Mi did to him.

“Boo.”

“WHAAAA!” Kaz enjoys his joke for a second as Coby tries not to have a heart-attack. “C’mon Coby, his name is ‘Pirate Hunter’ he’s practically a free lance marine. Besides you’re awfully scared of this guy for someone who’s already said what a great marine they’ll be.” Rolling his eyes, for what feels like the 80th time today, Kaz goes back to the sails hoping to speed things up.

He’s not sure how much longer he can stand to be in a boat with Coby and Coby’s anxiety. Kaz is supposed to be the anxious and depressed one around here.

“That’s not it at all, Kaz-san! He’s really dangerous! And he hunts bounties down with vicious intent! He’s nothing like a real Marine.” Coby’s defense is naïve at best. Kaz damn well knows a good handful of Marines who most certainly hunt people down with ‘vicious intent.’

Luffy breaks up the argument by asking if Kaz can make them fly again. Kaz takes a second to remind Luffy that he passed the fuck out after that. When his captain fails to see a problem with that, Kaz blows a large gust into the sails, making the boat lurch. Luffy is undeterred and calls for “Faster Windy!”

It’s been such a long day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[1] The author in no way condones eating or even the existence of what is known as “red delicious apples” for they have been bred to look pretty at the cost of taste and are therefore abominations. Try Fuji or Honeycrisp apples.


	6. Congrats! You unlocked: A Marimo!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Done with Ax-hand Morgan, the Strawhats sail into the sunset...forgetting that exactly none of them know anything about navigation.

“Let’s meet again sometime, COBY!” Luffy shouts as they sail into the rising sun the next morning. It’s abominably early and all Kaz wants to do is go back to sleep. Luffy AND Zoro snore like freight trains and since they’d shared a room between all three of them, Kaz hadn’t really been able to drop off.

Kaz waves lazily from his post against the mast and drops off nearly instantly. Missing the Marine’s salute and the remainder of the farewell and Luffy shouting about the Grandline.

Leaving Coby to the marines in charge of the island, the three members of the Strawhat crew sail out into the unknown.

Because none of them know one fucking thing about navigation…what had he signed up for…

 

 

2 days later:

“I’m so hungry~~~” Luffy is moaning from the front of the boat. Due to everyone onboard the dingy being completely stupid and Kaz did include himself in that, they had failed to get an accurate heading to the nearest island from Coby or even one of the marines.

“Everyone is hungry Luffy. You ate all the supplies yesterday. We don’t even have any apples to eat.” Kaz mutters.

“So~~~ hungry.” Luffy whines.

‘ _Why do I bother speaking…_ ’Kaz huffs to himself.

“When the hell _are_ we going to hit land already?”

‘ _Great. Now Zoro’s going to bitch too.’_ Kaz turns around in the bow of the boat and lets his legs dangle in the water. He’s so fucking done that he welcomes the numb ache the water brings. It’s something to feel besides hunger at least. His heavy sighs eventually drag Zoro’s attention over to him.

Luffy is thinking happy thoughts about something and not paying them any attention anymore.

“Doesn’t that hurt? You’re a Devil Fruit user like Luffy, right?” there’s a confused frown on Zoro’s face.

“Not really, anything below the knees and it’s just a cold achy feeling. More refreshing than idiot induced hunger. Mostly.” Kaz shrugs. “Neither of us really knows how to navigate we didn’t even plan to go in this direction originally. It’s just the way we panicked in leaving Goa.”

Luffy agrees and tells Zoro about their (thanks to Kaz, if he does take the time to toot his own horn, thank you) epic escape form Fuusha’s harbor and the Seaking Luffy had decked on the way out. Zoro looks suitably impressed by the time Kaz chips in about panicking so hard he made the boat fly.

“So you guys meant that literally…you just go where Windy over there blows you?” he asks.

“That or get escorted by nervous marine wannabes with pink hair.”

Zoro looks at them like he too is not a complete moron, it’s a little annoying. “Isn’t it kinda fucked up that the guy who wants to be King of the Pirates can’t fucking navigate??”

In honor of their shared head-nod moment at Morgan’s beat down, Kaz manfully chokes back the nearly automatic bark of laughter that Zoro, of ALL people, is criticizing someone else’s ability to navigate.

“Not a Captain's job to plot the course buckaroo, just picks the destination. Relax, we just need to find a Navigator is all" is his second choice and much more PC response. His nonchalance isn’t appreciated by a grumbling Zoro, but Luffy prevents from actually fighting.

Mostly be redirecting the fire right at himself. It’s both heartening and not to know that never really changes. At least Luffy can handle fall out.

Luffy chimes though to point out that as a bounty hunter, Zoro ought to know something about navigation as well. Zoro being about 50% cooler than anyone else on the boat props his elbows on the side of the boat. “I don’t recall ever calling myself that. Certainly, didn’t set out to sea to do it either. I set out to look for a certain man…but then I couldn’t get back to my village. I just went after pirate ships to make enough to get by.”

“Oh…so you’re lost.” Luffy states, causing Zoro to hammer his fist into his side of the boat hard enough to shake the whole dingy.

“Don’t put it like that!”

Kaz can’t help himself at this point he laughs and turns around so he can address Zoro without choking on his own spit. “If only you could figure out which way North was. You’d have caught up to him by now. Also, how do you lose a whole fucking island?”

Zoro growls, legit growls, at Kaz and lunges for him.

Kaz emits a falsely high scream and burrows under Luffy as the boat rocks dangerously. Luffy’s hat goes flying off his head and Luffy quickly shoots off after it. Leaving Kaz defenseless as Zoro regains his footing in the shaking boat.

Not willing to get as pummeled as a Logia can be, Kaz zips up the mast.

 

3 days later:

 “Hey! Who ate all the food???” shouts a disappointed Kaz. He already knows the answer his just terminally in denial about how little food actually makes it into his mouth these days. He misses jerky so bad.

“Sorry Kaz-u. I got hungry on watch.” Luffy, who most definitely does not know the meaning of the word repentant, doesn’t look repentant AT ALL. The ass.

“So we have no heading and no food.”

“We didn’t bring enough booze either.” Says Zoro. Who is littering by throwing the now empty bottle of wine over the side of the small ship…boat…dinghy, he decides. ‘ _Everyone loves a dinghy, right?’_

Zoro who is clearly a man of action or a close copy of one in this moment tries to take control of the situation. As most situations seem to turn out for him, this ends poorly for Kaz.

“Oi, Windy. Which way is North?”

Kaz floats down cautiously. While he’d love to avoid Zoro until the severe scowling turned back into neutral frowning, if Zoro had any idea on how to get unstuck from the middle of the ocean, he had more than Kaz at the moment. “Uh, it’s always uh right…” he has to stop and think for a minute. NC is on the east coast…and if he faced the east coast then… “uh no sorry it’s always left of the rising sun. Sooo that way.” He pointed mostly certain he was right.

Zoro is staring at him hard. Kaz assumes he’s thinking and he doesn’t want to profile or more importantly piss off the guy who bench-presses the barbell equivalent of a Volkswagen. With that thought he manufactures a gust and “accidentally” knocks the hat off Luffy’s head. Pushing the breeze up and away from the water. He’s not stupid, he knows what that hat means to Luffy, it’s just that by this point Luffy owes him the convenient escape. It’s just this once. Really.

“I’ll get it Luffy, you stay down here!” Kaz offers as his, intentionally for once, dissipates and soars up the mast the catch Luffy’s iconic hat. Hat in hand he hands it off to his captain who is waiting on top of the sail. Having slung himself up there after his hat.

“Thanks Kaz-u!”

“No prob. Luffy. Keep a better hold of that thing, yea? It’s important.” They both drop, too heavily, down into the boat. Starting it rocking again, though this time everyone maintains their footing. Kaz is suitable impressed with himself for not face planting, once again, into the deck of the dinghy.

So, Kaz is standing, fairly still for someone who didn’t have sea legs, up until the point Zoro grabbed his shirt in blurring move of his hand and asked “You can fly right? Check for land.” He had all of 3 seconds to be terrified as he was launched skyward. Higher than he usually went on his own.

“Ahhhhhhhh!”

He’s only thought is that, while Zoro might not have Devil Fruit, Kaz was fucking certain that Zoro just did NOT need one. He managed not to have his 7th heart attack of the week after a moment and stop screaming long enough to actually get his bearings. ‘ _Who just yeets people 40 ft in the air??_ ’ Then he realizes that he’s been hanging out with Luffy for two years now and Luffy? Also that kind of asshole. Kaz worries what that means for him before remembering that he’s been asked to look for land.

Using his abilities and the boost from Zoro to rise a little further, guessing that while he’s up here he might atually see land or something. But he saw fuck all on the way up. Just lots of water and the cool breeze they’d been letting steer them all day. So, nothing to the North really.

Kaz checked to the east…diddly.

He looked to the West…fuck all there.

Alright what’s happening in the Sou…’ _Oh fuck, that’s a big birb._ ’

There’s about two seconds in between that thought and the bird diving to catch the brightly colored writer.

Initially he panics and Kaz is not afraid to admit that. The giant pelican thing had him trapped in its freaky pouch mouth and even with Kaz’s frantic thrashing the bird carried on.

And then he remembered… ‘ _You are a fucking logia, idiot._ ’ And seconds later he is trying to pry the stupid pelican’s mouth open, it fights him all the way. He finally gets his head out of the stupid things mouth, only to realize that he is very far from the boat…and Luffy and Zoro.

‘ _I am **not** flying out of this…wait a minute…this was supposed to happen to Luffy’_ Too far from the boat to fly out and now realizing that he, Kaz, has accidentally displaced Luffy in a _vital_ plot point.

His mind spirals into panic and mortification.

‘ _Step 1: DO NOT fuck with the plot line_

_ Step 2: Fucking **fail** step 1—SHIT FUCK GODDAMN SON OF A WHORE MOTHER-’ _

The cursing and violent pity of fucking up his only (self-imposed) directive sees him flailing madly inside the bird. His only hope is that Luffy and Zoro panic hard enough in the right direction…which, he thinks dejectedly, is asking for a hell of a lot…

His unexpected flight carries on in self-inflicted pity but relative comfort. At least until, far as Kaz can tell during his sudden descent, the bird randomly disintegrates around him. The concussive force of a shot he didn’t hear over his own self-loathing ruins Kaz’s cohesion as he is blasted out of the air.

Singed and not wholly together Kaz lands like a limp noodle made of air.

The PLAP is probably not the most traumatizing thing, in retrospect, as Kaz’s arm is definitely not where it should be. It doesn’t hurt overly much. Garp had done loads worse. But it does feel awfully awkward. He shakes off the disorientation of the sudden landing with a whimper and drags himself to his feet while fiddling with his dislocated arm.

Only to finally notice that he has replaced Luffy further by landing in between Nami and some of the Buggy Pirates. ‘ _Shit. Well I can’t let Nami handle this on her own._ ’

Nami however is a lot quicker on the uptake. Perhaps remembering that Kaz had already mowed down several marines on her behalf, accidental but he is counting it damnit. She’s probably hoping he’ll do it again with these weird looking assholes. Kaz likes to think of himself as a gentleman sometimes. Not all the time, he knows he can be a dick, but he’s never left a lady to distress yet. Not that he knew a lot of damsels in distress…or that Nami could even qualify as one, now that he thinks on it.

“Ah! Boss! Good timing..,Again! They’re all yours. I’ll go get that thing ready…Bye!” and much like with Luffy Nami is away before anyone can stop her, much less get a word in edgewise.

“Huh?” Is confusion is plain until he remembers that she’d done the same to Luffy. He jerks upright “Right, uh…clear out…Minion?” ‘ _Crap, forgot…we’re not friends yet. At least I can’t be hurt by swords here. My poor clothes on the other hand…_ ’

“Wait. You’re her boss?” Thug-who-looks-like-Frankenstein shouts. “That’s as good as catching that thief. Get hi--”

Kaz interrupts and wooshes forward to clap the guy on the shoulder. “Sorry boys, but that treasure is ours now. We stole it fair and square. But more importantly, my friend, my bro, my compadre…can I get your help with this arm? I think I landed on it funny?”

The three pirates seem the appropriate levels of completely confused as Kaz’s reasonable tone. Secretly he’s channeling his inner fake salesman from the 40s as hard as he can. “Listen buddy, we don’t—”

“Roulette.” Kaz holds the Franken-pirate by the shoulder and let’s his body form a whirlwind and leans into it. Swirling harder and sucking up tweedledee and dumb. With inexpert timing he shoots all three out in a rapid fire back down the street…or he means to. Unfortunately, there’s a slight miscalculation with his timing and he accidentally-s the pirates into the building Nami is now perched on top of. And he does mean the pirates have entered the building ‘ _Bu-dum-tish_ ’

He momentarily has to pause his self-congratulations on using his Roulette move, mostly right, for a moment out of panic but sees that Nami has it under control. Nami is too nimble to fall. She gracefully slides down the roof and lands on the balcony now shading the unconscious brutes who’d been chasing her.

“Ooooh, you’re a logia then? A wind one too, I think. So, Windyguy—”

‘ _Whhhhhhhy_ ’ Kaz keeps his complaints silent, but droops a bit, he consoles himself with the fact that at least he isn’t still “that constipated guy” to Nami. He’d take Windy over that any day.

“—Thanks for saving me again. You look like a nice strong logia user who can’t be stabbed and such.”

“Ummmm yes? I mean, so far so good. Except for the all shirts I’ve lost to it.” He’s preening a bit at _NAMI_ of all people calling him strong. It is so nice to be acknowledged. First Zoro and now Nami. Maybe this week isn’t so shitty after all.

“Great! So, you want to team up? I’m an A+ navigator. We could go anywhere between me and you.” There’s like a really endearing light in her eyes as she hops down from the balcony to stand near him. She’s also like, super tiny. Like Luffy tiny, but doesn’t appear to take up as much space, fortunately he knows better than to be fooled by her appearance. Nami is likely smarter than the rest of the crew, people-wise, excluding Robin and twice as fierce. Especially when she wants something from someone.

“I uh, would. Totally. Except I can’t. I’m very bad at stealing and stealth in general.” Kaz dissembles a bit.  He’d hate to outright say no…Luffy would try to get her to join no matter what, but he doesn’t have Luffy’s level of stubborn charism to fall back. He isn’t even that endearing…unless someone had a particular weakness for the socially awkward ‘ _Not likely._ ‘And he does NOT want to be responsible for losing Nami. They  need her.

“You don’t have to be sneaky. That’s what I do~” Nami stops trying to beguile him on charm alone and adds in a more serious tone “My goal is to steal 100 million beri, no matter what it takes.”

The emotion in her words is enough to make him tear up. His own thoughts and memories of why she has need of 100 million beri finishes him off. He turns, hoping she assumes he is thinking it over and tries to keep the whimpering sobs to a minimum. ‘ _She’s such a strong person! And she shared that precious goal… **with meeeeee**_ ’ He has to take a solid minute to hug himself and bite his lip to even slightly mask the level of touched he is by that. If he didn’t have to keep the plot on track? He’d be agreeing in a second, but he just couldn’t be the reason Luffy failed to even get to the Grandline.

‘ _Because let’s face kids, Luffy is a hopeless navigator and no one, but no one, is better than Nami at her game._ ’

Kaz gathers himself and chokes back a sniffly sob. And tries to sound like he hasn’t just been shoved through the emotional wringer in under two minutes. “Look, I would, really. If I weren’t already married to the idea of being with my crew till the end. I gotta be there to write the tale, you know?”

Nami is staring at him like she might just know where he’s going with this. He can’t actually lie to her; she’d hate him forever and Kaz firmly refuses to do anything to jeopardize her joining the crew. Besides, Nami has been lied to enough and she doesn’t even know the worst one yet. He has to tell her about the Strawhats at least, plant the idea…subtle-like. He knows she’ll hate the idea on principle, but Luffy would be along soon to make the official offer, save the town from Buggy, and charm his way into Nami’s heart. ‘ _Here goes nothing._ ’

“But hey, the Strawhat Pirates are totally looking for a navigator though! Why don’t you join us instead?” He admits, it is not as subtle as he wished, but it’s the best she’s getting from him. He can’t be expected to be his wittiest in front of Nami, who acknowledged him like 5 seconds ago. The plot has to be corrected even if he has to take Luffy’s place for a hot second, but there is no way he can charm his way out of this. ‘ _Where are they anyway? Eh, thoughts for later._ ’

Nami’s face drops and she props one hand on her hip so she can wave the other more emphatically under his nose. “You’re a pirate? Hell no. There’s nothing else on this planet that I hate more than Pirates.” And Kaz isn’t scared to admit the expected venom in her voice does sting a bit. He pouts visibly, hoping to look pathetic enough that she doesn’t outright deck him like she’ll later be prone to doing to Luffy. Nami continues, adding firmly that “I only like tangerines and money. Nothing more!”

Kaz feels properly cowed by all the fierce yelling she’s doing and holds his hands up to surrender the point visibly. Not daring to speak, lest she take offense and change her mind about decking him. While he can avoid most pain, he isn’t willing to test it too often.

Luckily for Kaz’s goal of getting the plot back on the right track, his gesture of surrender and Nami’s verbal corning of him is seen. Three more of Buggy’s goons turn the corner behind Nami, who either sees them out of the corner of her or catches the widening of Kaz’s own. Kaz, even knowing Nami, is still a little shocked at how quickly she moves from yelling at him to figuring out how to get away from these guys. It takes mere seconds for her to look at what’s coming and hear the threats they’re shouting out her.

Nami is suddenly as in his face as she can be and whispers “I need your help to get close to Buggy. Agree to help and I’ll consider joining you.” She’s batting her eyes at him and trying to look sweet. But Kaz is wise to her shenanigans, however, moving towards Buggy is where Luffy, now substituted for Kaz, is supposed to be…so he fakes it. Pulling on all his dramatic talents.

“Oh! Cool. Yeah sure do-uh-do I need to get rid of those guy---where did you get that rope from????” Kaz realizes that Nami had finessed both his hands into tight knot of rope. He knows he could easily breeze out of this…he hopes Nami realizes that too, but this *is* where he needs to be.

“It’s a secret.” She chirps. She then puts on a show for thugs running for them. It’s, honestly, a hilarious event to watch. Nami has those guys so confused in under a minute that they might legit believe she caught Kaz all by herself and is using him to bargain for inclusion into Buggy’s crew. ‘ _She’s my hero, look at these shmucks. They are actually escorting us all the way to Buggy himself…_ ’

He gets to watch in absolute amazement when she does it again right in front of Buggy himself. And the wierdo buys it. It still ends with Kaz in a tiny-ass little cage that his lanky frame does not fit comfortably into, but the sheer brass Nami has impresses him even more. He would have put money on that not being possible. And sure Kaz technically knew Buggy would fall for it.

However, this being as real as real gets…he had certainly expected more convincing dialogue between them than what he’d seen in the anime, but… ‘Fuck me, I don’t think she even really tried’ is all he can think as the Buggy start gathering for a party to welcome Nami into the crew. Meanwhile he’s stuck in a five-foot square block and he can’t even risk trying to whirlwind some of the delicious smelling roasted meat they are having into his mouth… ‘ _FML_ ’

On the other hand, his tears of frustration are really selling his apparent misery over Nami’s “betrayal” handily. ‘ _God, I hope the crew shows up soon. I can’t be tortured like this much longer._ ’ Kaz barely keeps himself entertained by taking his cracked goggles off and clinking them slowly against the bars of his cage. He’d prefer a mug, but apparently no one taught these goofs anything about the Geneva Convention. He has rights! And he would prefer if they came with meat, especially now…while Luffy isn’t within thieving range.

But everything is going along as it should, with or without snacks, and Kaz is just starting to wonder when Buggy is going try shooting him with a cannon. Cause this? It’s really boring and borderline torture with the food just out of reach.

Buggy, for once, has exceptionally good timing though. Taking Kaz’s apparent despondency over the lack of meat in his diet as true melancholy over what Nami allegedly did, Buggy starts trying to taunt him and drags Nami into it as well.

Though now that Kaz thinks about it, maybe Buggy is keeping her close because he doesn’t quite believe her. Even with Kaz trapped in the world’s smallest cell meters away from braised beef goodness ‘ _Refocus, now is not the time, unfortunately_ ’

“How pathetic” Buggy calls, using his Imma-a-scary-pirate voice. Nami hesitantly agrees with Buggy’s assessment of Kaz’s alleged leadership abilities. ‘ _Joke’s on them, **I’m** a follower._ ’Kaz doesn’t really think Buggy’s piss-poor taunts deserve a verbal response, but he does blow the loudest razzberry possible at Buggy and clink his goggles harder against the bars. Kaz has never, will never, claimed to be mature.

CLINK Clink CLANK ClinkClinkClink CLANK

Hoping to annoy the shit out of Buggy and get this party rolling. Kaz is confident that he can blow out the fuse as long as it takes for Luffy and Zoro to catch up. In anime time they should be really close by right now, close enough to hear the test shot ring out over the town.

“Right Nami? This is your chance to *prove* your loyalty…and you are loyal right? Do it. I’m being so generous as to give you a Buggy Ball. Bring Nami the cannon!” he shouts to his minions. And the large black, still smoking, cannon is trundled forth to aim directly at Kaz.

‘ _Huh, that is a very large bomb…and I have never been so glad to be partially intangible._ ’

That thought is quickly replaced with concern over Nami, who looks like she’s scared out of her mind. ‘ _Poor Nami. This is a little traumatic for her. What with Bellemere and Arlong and all that._ ’

Kaz decides to put her at ease the only way he can. “Hey. Don’t worry so much. Pirates are pirates because they chose they risk. Do what you have to tangerine-girl. I choose to be here, ya know?” Hoping that his encouragement and subtle reminder that he is technically made of air helps. She looks a little less scared, but slightly confused now.

Nami’s indecision prompts one of the clown-ier pirates to steal the matches and light one. He gets dangerously close to lighting the fuse. Kaz is taking a deep breath in preparation to snuff out the burning fuse when Nami surprises the lot of them by cold-cocking the pirate with her staff. It was a hell of a hit and the guy is out cold. The ferocity of the action seems to stun Nami as much as everyone else. Except for Kaz, who already knows that beneath that tough-as-nails persona, Nami is a good person. And good people don’t blow up someone who’s as dorky and helpful as Kaz has been.

Sadly, the falling match still manages to catch the fuse. Nami turns as Kaz quietly sighs and utters a dejected “oh dear” and sees the lit fuse. Kaz was still certain that while being blown up may not feel great, being a Logia has its perks and he’d certainly be back to rights within minutes. Nami, does not appear to know that though, perhaps thinking his wind abilities are a paramecia derived fruit instead. ‘ _Hell, she may not know more about Devil Fruits than anyone else in East Blue either._ ’

Not wanting her to get burned for his sake, not when he isn’t really in that much danger. He waits until he sees Nami’s instinctive wince before she touches something she knows will burn her…and he snuffs the flame. ‘ _The important part, is that she tried to save a pirate. That’s the character development that’s important here. Right? Right._ ’

Nami rotates through a serious of emotions within a second just rapid-fire expectation of pain-surprise-outrage at the trick-and settles somewhere between wary and impressed. Kaz doesn’t hesitate to offer a cheesy grin and a wink. Her expression drops a bit, but there’s no time for her to yell at him. The Buggy pirates have regain what few wits they have and are egged forth to hurt Nami by Buggy. ‘ _That dick. And I can’t get a clear shot at them either!_ ’

Kaz draws Nami’s attention away from the crowd praying she’ll trust at least once more. “Nami! Duck!!!”

Kaz uses his wind abilities to free his hands and as Nami ducks behind the cannon draws wind together in his open cupped palms, letting swirl violently and build “Kaze-haaaaze---”

“GUM GUM ROCKET!”

Luffy has launched himself and Zoro from a nearby building, judging from the angle. Luffy either releases Zoro to deal with the pirates or Zoro, seeing that no good could come of landing alongside Luffy, jumps ship early. Regardless the result is that Zoro is launched into the corwd like someone playing 30-pin bowling. Zoro scores a respectable 15 out of 30 pirates down in the crash. He even checks on a shocked Nami.

Luffy, however, not reading the situation right, has aimed right for Kaz. Not given a chance to brace for impact, Luffy blitzes into the cage shoving Kaz’s airy body through the slats on the other side…and locking his dumb ass in the cage…

Kaz is wholly unprepared for the sudden transition into air and it takes most of minute to right himself. Nami probably sensing or hoping for safety quickly dodges away from the fight brewing between Zoro and Buggy. Kaz knows what’s coming and isn’t going to stop it. Zoro and Luffy can take the hits they receive just fine. Nami is the only physically fragile one right now.

Besides, he _just_ got the plot back to where it is supposed to be, there will be no more deviation from the planed route, dammit.

Still, watching Zoro get stabbed is not fun. He flinches just thinking about how stabbing would feel were he not wind. ‘ _Yay, Logia Fruit!_ ’ Luffy doesn’t like it either and quickly pulls Buggy’s attention back to him, where he is still trapped by the cage. ‘ _Zoro’s probably the only one outright strong enough to just yank Luffy out of there the same way he got in. And Zoro currently has a hole in him, so doesn’t look like that’s an option right now._ ’

Luffy shouts “OI, stabbing him from behind is unfair, red nose!” Buggy, flustered sends his disembodied hand with a single dagger hurling at Luffy. It doesn’t even seem to faze Buggy that Luffy bites _through_ his dagger. He just withdraws his hand and leaps back at Zoro.

When Luffy tells them to run, they refuse. Kaz blasts himself over to the cannon and shouts for Zoro to keep the spastic clown-man busy. Zoro, like the tank he is, leaps in front of Kaz. Stalling Buggy long enough for Kaz to get lay under the cannon and try is ultimate technique again.

Over the clang and clash of knives and swords Kaz again cups his hands and gathers his element to them. “Kazeee-Haze-HAAAA” launching a spiraling blast up and flipping the cannon over so that it is now aimed right at Buggy and his remaining goons.

Nami, ever quick to see an advantage is already striking the match to light the fuse. Kaz quickly ghosts out from under the cannon as the Buggy Pirates scramble to avoid the oncoming blast. Thanks to it already being burned down from earlier they don’t have time to get clear.

Zoro is already dragging the cage and Luffy off the roof as Kaz gusts down the roof behind Nami. They just get clear of the rooftop when the blast shakes the house down to its foundations.

Zoro is struggling under the weight of the cage with Luffy still in it and Kaz moves to help. He doesn’t like the way it looks like Zoro is tearing his wound wider with each step. Not that it’s slowing him down much or stopping the stoic guy from verbally berating Luffy.

“How did you even get in there?? I though Kaz was in the fucking cage! He could have got out on his own!”

“Hey Zoro, you’re hurt ya know?” Luffy asks, as if the big guy hadn’t noticed and completely ignoring what Zoro is fussing about.

“You just stay in there. I’m going to do things my way!”

Nami still hasn’t been introduced to the crew yet and is standing in stunned silence befreo she gathers herself to ask in dumfounded wonder “Who _are_ you guys??” She’s watching Zoro bleed while still adamantly refusing to lower the cage, Kaz is helping, but it is still a struggle.

Luffy finally clues into their tag-a-long as they start retreating into the city. Kaz has no intention of having a meet and greet right in front of Buggy…and what’s left of his crew. He knows they are all dead, so he shoves and Zoro pulls the cage down the line of roofs they have managed to jump to.

“Who are you??” Luffy finally thinks to ask. Staring blankly at a still stunned looking Nami. Kaz chimes in, his voice strained with effort.

“That..is Nami—she’s a great navigator Luffy. We should hire her.”

“OOOH! That’s great! You should could come with us. I’m Luffy and I’m going to be King of the Pirates!” says the young boy made of rubber, who trapped _himself_ in a concrete cage…

"You did promise to consider it." Kaz reminds her. Luffy hears him and starts cheering like she's already agreed. To Kaz, that just means it's only a matter of time until Nami gives and joins up for good. He still rolls his eyes at Luffy's antics and shouts for him to keep still, all that wiggling is not making this easier. 

Zoro must feel Kaz rolling his eyes or he is just that done with today, because he snorts and mutters “King of the Idiots today” loud enough for all of them to hear. Their witty banter doesn’t seem to have cleared things up for Nami. To be fair, she has had a day. She met a guy made of wind, one made of rubber, and Zoro who is probably 90% determination.

‘ _Yeah, we are all kind of freaky aren’t we?_ ’

Between Zoro and Kaz they manage to get Luffy and cage downtown. When Zoro’s side gives out they are close enough that Luffy gets easily distracted by a cute little dog sitting in front of store… ‘Oh, I totally forgot about that…Luffy has to punch that weird Lion-guy and Simba the Jumbo Lion out.’

 **Thud** … _SNORE_. ZZZzzzzZZZzzz

But maybe first I’ll drag Zoro somewhere more comfortable than the street. He has been bleeding for a solid half hour and that just isn’t healthy. ‘ _And no Chopper in sight…_ ’

Before Kaz can do much more than frown at the situation their crew’s bizarre luck comes through and the Mayor of this abandoned town shows back up. Kaz is almost certain he is wearing coconut-based armor and for his life cannot figure out why someone would do that. He definitely misses everything the Mayor says, trying to see if there’s any sloshing going on in the shoulder pads (?). ‘ _Where did he **find** a coconut big enough for a chest plate…_ ’

He gives up sorting that weirdness out when the old man gestures for Kaz to help him move Zoro into a nearby house. Seeing as that might let Zoro heal through the power of napping (a Kaz approved method in the absence of actual medicine) Kaz heaves to and manages to mostly heft Zoro up on his own. ‘ _Seriously, I do not think this Mayor guy is pulling his half of the weight here._ ’

By the time Zoro is resting comfortably Luffy has managed to enrage the sheepdog in front of the store and _lost_ the key to the cage to its stomach. “Honestly, Luffy. I leave you for a second and you manage to make this worse?”

“Shishishi, he started it Kaz-u. I just wanted to pet him. He was being mean~” Luffy ends by pouting a little. Kaz has seen that face to often to be fooled by it. He sits on the stairs of the store and promptly moves his ass to the top of Luffy’s cage when the tiny dog snarls at him. “Okay Luffy, I see your point.”

Kaz is just trying to recall what they did in the anime to get Luffy out of the damn cage, when there’s a distant roar and the rumble of something larger than them mucking about town.

The Mayor hears it to and recognizes it, it is a very distinctive roar. Like a B-movie dinosaur hissing roar. “It’s the Beast Tamer, Mohji!”

‘ _Oh yeah, good old Mochi breaks the cage for us. Good timing._ ’

Shortly the odd looking Tamer and his pet giant-ass lion Richie run into view and enter the town square. Nami and the Mayor run for distant.

“How unfortunate that you run into me, so soon after you escaped. I am Mohji The Lion Tamer! A member of the Buggy Pirates.”

“Mochi? Like the ice cream?” Kaz asks.

“What? No, I said Mohji!”

“Oooo. I love that stuff!” Luffy says, to no one’s (Kaz’s) surprise, before he tilts further on his back so he can get a better look at the off colored lion and its rider. “That’s a weird animal suit you got on there, Mochi.” Luffy comments, ignoring the man’s spluttering about his name. Kaz is feeling a bit smug about starting that one himself.

“This is my hair!! How rude!”

“That is not helping your case there, Mochi.” Kaz informs him. Luffy shakes his head too. ‘This is taking too long…and his face is creepy’

Ignoring whatever Mohji is doing with the little dog, Kaz gets behind Luffy’s cage and asks “

“Hey, Luffy?”

“Hmm?”

“remember when you and Zoro fed me to a bird earlier?”

“Shishishishi, yea you cussed really loud! We could hear it in the boat!” The rubbery menace laughs.

“Right…hold still.” Kaz wedges his hands underneath Luffy and takes aim with another Kaze-Ha blast. He actually has really good aim and yeets Luffy directly at the giant green cat. Who obligingly shatters the cage in reflex, swatting Luffy into a house nearby. Kaz winces, but thankfully Luffy is made of rubber. He gusts past both Buggy Pirates and helps Luffy dig his way out of the collapsed house.

Nami and the Mayor must have hidden over in this direction, because they are already there and watching Luffy pry his way out by the time Kaz gets to the house.

Nami has that What-the-actual-fuck-is-this-guy look on her face again. Kaz guesses that the new still hasn’t worn off how stupid resilient and fuck-off strong Luffy is. The Mayor is actually staring in open amassment and exclaiming that Luffy shouldn’t be able to live through that. Kaz finds that debatable, Zoro lives through all kinds of nasty shit with like 3 scars to show for it and no Devil Fruit to rely on. Anime physics are bullshit.

Luffy and Kaz return to the Pet store only to find in flames. Luffy looks to Kaz to see him already shaking his head. “I don’t know how he got it burning so quick, Captain. But if I try to blow it out now…I’ll just set the rest of the town off. I’m sorry.”

Kaz had forgotten this part and in taking his time retrieving Luffy he was too late to be able to blow out the inferno. Luffy, clenches his fist as they watch it burn and watch that cute little dog lose his home. ‘ _This sucks, why do people have to be so fucking awful. What point was there to set this place on fire?_

Luffy nods and claps Kaz on the shoulder. “Not your fault Kaz-u. Keep an eye on the Mayor and Nami. Don’t let ChouChou get too close to that.”

“You got it, Captain. Kick his ass.”

Settling his hat firmer on his head, Luffy goes lion hunting.


	7. "Ax-Hand" Morgan and the No-Good, Very Bad Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to meet Zoro!

They make land at the dock Coby set off from 2 years ago. Seeing everyone’s reactions to the mere mention of Roronoa “I wash reindeer” Zoro is hilarious. These people are legit afraid of the guy and all he’s done up to this point is hunt bounties.

It’s equally telling how they react to the name of “Ax Hand” Captain Morgan. The people duck and dodge as if Coby might summon the asshole here by mentioning his name. Kaz can’t help but wonder how long this douche has been tormenting these people. With how few marines he’s seen since they landed it’s hard to say. Coby is as cluelessly naïve as ever.

“I wonder why they’re reacting like that to Morgan Taicho? Zoro I understand but…”

Kaz can’t help but sigh out “It’s called free will, Coby. You can have evil marines and good pirates. Look at Luffy, he’s chaotic, but he ain’t evil just cause he’s a pirate.”

“Ano…I guess…”

Kaz can tell that the kid is more confused than convinced, but he doesn’t have the fucks left to give. Maybe later when knowing Coby is less of a mentally exhausting trial. ‘ _Never thought I’d wish Garp’s training regime on anyone, but Damn._ ’

At Luffy’s insistence Coby takes them to the courtyard where Zoro is being held. Luffy immediately tries to climb the wall to the Marine base courtyard. Much to Kaz’s immense relief. ‘ _At least I haven’t fucked up the time line, yet. 2 episodes down…mnf…like a million more to go…_ ’

Coby is behind him spouting some nonsense about missing them and failing to notice that Kaz and Luffy are now sitting on top of and hanging off of the wall respectively.

“Now, where’s that Demon guy? Ah there he is! Let’s go Kaz-u”

They run down the wall until they are looking down into a dusty, barren courtyard. And there’s Zoro tied to a…crucifix? “Is it weird for anyone else that he’s tied to a crucifix? No? Just me, then. Carry on.”

“Shishishi, look all we gotta do is untie those ropes and he can get out.” Luffy says, ignoring Kaz’z nonsense for his own.

Neither response is how Coby feels about the situation.

“Luffy-san, you can’t!! He’d kill us all just for daring!”

Luffy laughs off Coby’s concern with a “Don’t worry so much! I’m strong!”

“And I’m a grade A distraction. We got it covered, Coby.” Kaz’s offer does not appease Coby in the slightest and Zoro joining the conversation does not help calm him down.

“Oi, You guys…you’re an eyesore…Get Lost.” Zoro’s smooth, but blunt address sends Coby into a meltdown as the kid tries to scramble to safety and get Luffy and Kaz to leave at the same time. Kaz is just wondering if anyone else heard that guitar rift just as Zoro looked at them or if he is really starting lose it here.

But his thoughts on the matter are broken when a ladder props itself in the space Kaz had left between himself and Coby on the wall. At least it shuts Coby up, the tiny girl who shushes them all as she uses the ladder to pop over the wall is what gets Luffy and Kaz.

Kaz knew that she’d be there, it was part of the plot after all. Her interactions with Zoro are what kind of cements Luffy demanding the bounty hunter be his swordsman. But he wasn’t expecting her to be this tiny. She’s like 5 years old. ‘ _Are we really letting this child…no this is an outloud question._ ’

“Soooo, we’re all just going to watch that five-year-old break into a Marine base?” Kaz is shushed by Coby and Luffy. “Right.”

Kaz, falls back off the wall in preparation for what is going to happen. He reasons that stopping her from hitting the ground at all isn’t going to hurt anyone. Besides, it’ll give Luffy more time to punch that Helmeppo guy in the dick. He’s pretty sure that happens next…it’ll happen eventually.

He loosens his muscles. Shakes out his arms and shuffles to his left a bit, positioning himself right in between Coby and Luffy who are watching events unfold on the wall. He hears Coby mutter “That’s Captain Morgan’s son?!” in an incredulous whisper. Knowing what’s coming, he’s prepared when he hears the girl’s frightened squeal as she’s tossed, relatively gently over the wall.

“I got her Luf.”

“Yosh.” Luffy watches Kaz gently catch the little girl, waiting until the Marines exit the field to jump into the now vacant lot. Well, vacant except for Zoro. Who is tied to a post.

Kaz stretches out his arms and grabs the girl, absorbing the shock of the catch into his chest, by pulling in his arms as he gets hold of her. “Hey, kid.”

She’s says thanks in the cutest little voice. Kaz just offer’s her big smile. It’s nice to be able to emote well enough that people know when he’s happy.

“You best stay here with Coby. I’m going to go get Luffy.” Coby takes over checking the kid over for scraps while Kaz vaults the wall in time to see Zoro eat the worlds dirtiest rice ball.

‘ _Aww that’s precious._ ’ Luffy turns around and they start to head out. Kaz waves cheerfully to Zoro, sad that Kuffy didn’t take the opportunity to deck Helmeppo then, but the knowledge that it happens before they leave is all he needs to smile again. So far, this is going all according to Oda and he hasn’t fucked anything up, yet. Luffy, had that look on his face too, Kaz could tell he’d already decided to kidnap/adopt Zoro. ‘ _Bit of a gray area with Luffy._ ’

They escort the girl, who says her name is Rika, back into the relative safety of the town. She’s the one who explains why Zoro’s going along with this farce of punishment. Zoro had indeed traded his freedom for the girl and her family’s safety. ‘ _He’s such a softy._ ’

Rika shows them the way back her mother’s restaurant. They stop mere feet from the door at the sound of glass breaking and annoyingly smug voice shouting from within.

Luffy goes on in. Staring Helmeppo down as he strides deliberately toward the asshole demanding free food and loudly bragging that’s he’s going to have Zoro executed tomorrow. ‘ _Little fucker, no one should be that smug about breaking—_ '

Kaz’s thoughts screech to a stop as he sees a familiar head of hair sitting at one of the tables near the door. Her back is to him, but there’s no way he’d forget her. The Strawhat Navigator and Kaz’s personal favorite crew member.

Nami.

Nami is sitting quietly at a table drinking something and frowning quietly at the scene in front of her. Kaz is frozen, he had not expected to see her here. He thought she’d only show back up at Morgan’s base while she looted the place. ‘ _Shhhheeeeeet. WhatdoIdoWhattaIdoooooo_ ’

Luffy essentially solves the problem by decking that little shit Helmeppo and forcefully removing him from the restaurant. Shocking the occupants as a whole. Kaz is quietly freaking out in the corner and notices none of this.

‘ _Just stare at the bar, acknowledge no one. Just. Stare. At. The. Bar._ ’

Luffy returns from dumping Helmeppo outside and sits next to Kaz. “Kaz-u--

Kaz sits ramrod straight and yelps the most terrified yes. Luffy continues “--why do you look like you have to poop?”

Kaz lets out his held breath and let’s out a hugely exaggerated breath. Luffy always ruins his cool moments. Now Nami was going to think of him as “the guy who poops.”

Kaz had wanted to meet her in the Marine base maybe help her find that fake map leading her to Buggy. She was such a cool character who had such a difficult and emotional background. _‘She’s just such a strong-minded lady. Raised by a Badass lady-Marine who believed in the good wholesome sort of Justice, while also being a bit of a shit herself. *sniffle* Damnit, I made myself cry!_ ’

Tearing up was not going to make him look any cooler. Nami was going to think he was such a pushover. Well, she wasn’t wrong, but he’d kind of hoped to have a cooler introduction before she figured that out.

Rika, bless her heart, does not help by pointing out where the bathroom is either. ‘ _That’s it, my shame is complete. I’m going to go have a cry in toilet._ ’

“That’s…Thanks Rika.”

Kaz gives up any hope of retaining his dignity this day and goes to the toilet. By the time he gets out though, Luffy is missing. ‘ _Shit._ ’

~~~~~~~~~~~~To the Marine Base~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As it was proclaimed by Oda, so it happened. Kaz arrives at the Marine base with Coby trailing behind. The statue has already been knocked over… ‘ _or was it broken before they got it up…I CAN’T REMEMBER. I guess he’s in there already? Yes, just going to assume Luffy is in the building._ ’

Luffy was, in fact, already inside the building and wreaking havoc while dragging a protesting Helmeppo along for the ride.

Kaz blasted off from the ground floor and into a third story window. “Got to catch up to Luffy. The official biographer to the Pirate King can’t miss the action!”

Kaz blasts through the window in a shower of broken glass. He misses the landing though and continues on out the open door.

‘ _Shit, fuck, stop!_ ’ Blasting out the door with gust of air, he skids to a stop in front of a shocked looking Nami. To both of their surprise.

“Weren’t you…” Kaz starts to ask, fairly certain he’d left Nami at the restaurant…fairly, like at least 60%.

Nami seemingly recognizes him then, “Oh! You’re friends with that Strawhat kid. The constipated one?”

‘ _That hurts. I’m-I’m not recovering from that any time soon._ ’

 A red faced Kaz responds “Yes. I mean, No. I’m not constipated, I mean it’s all good in the hood. Everything came out fine…I hate myself. The office is through there…I gotta go-I mean leave and find Luffy…Bye!”

Kaz blasts off down a random hall, not noticing that his over-enthusiastic entrance had flattened several guards who’d been accosting Nami due to his blinding embarrassment. ‘ _Well that next meeting is going to be awkward as fuck…_ ’

He finds Luffy down several hallways using Helmeppo as a meat-shield. Helmeppo is squawking at the indignity between begging for his life. ‘ _That butt-chinned loser._ ’

Kaz gets a laugh at watching Luffy use Helmeppo as a battering-ram. It’s very cathartic considering what that douche-canoe has been up to. They find Helmeppo’s door easily enough, it’s the only one with a flower wreath hanging on it. Kaz immediately takes it off it’s nail and remove’s the childish name plank. It’s his now. Besides the fake flowers are a lovely pink and look nice against his lavender hair.

Looking into the room itself he can only approve of the rest of the color scheme, a lovely pastel pink and white, and stare in horror at the vanity table filled to the brim with lotions and ‘ _Is that make-up? Oh…OOOOHHH._ ’

“Oooooo, wow. Helmeppo, no. Is…Is this what you like with effort??? Ah geez. And SO much money put into this room. Shame nothing was done with it.”

Thankfully Helmeppo is unconscious and the comments fail to spark any further protests.

“Oi, Kaz I found the swords. Which one do you think is his?” Luffy is musing in front of what have to be Zoro’s iconic 3 swords. ‘ _So we’re just going to ignore that hot take I just did? Fine.’_

“Beats me, Captain. Let’s just take all three down there.” Kaz peers out the window as Luffy secures all the swords with a cord from the drapery. “Uh-oh, Luffy I think we’re running behind schedule. Coby and Zoro are about to be perforated.”

“I’m ready. Let’s GO!”

“Luffy, wait!”

Too late. Luffy Gum-Gum rockets himself through Kaz and the window behind him. ‘ _Geez, so impatient._ ’ Kaz thinks fondly. Luffy’s enthusiasm can’t be stopped, he should know this by now. Kaz, reorders himself from where Luffy has made him lose cohesion for a sec. He’s getting better at not that accidentally, but reforming takes a hot second.

Back together, Kaz flies out following Luffy and lands with a blast of wind. As Luffy finishes his introduction to Zoro, Kaz with an (if he did say so himself) dramatic hair flip. “Annnd, I’m Kaz.” He says while manipulating a thin breeze to complete his landing.

The Marines, including Morgan, seem impressed that two Devil Fruit users could be found in East Blue, let alone in their courtyard.

Zoro is equally stunned. “W-what the heck are you two anyways?”

Luffy explains the whole Pirate King and writer of the greatest adventure ever. Zoro just looks confused. Kaz offers him “It means exactly what he says, don’t waste your breath trying to convince him otherwise bro.”

Luffy shoves all three swords into Zoro’s face. “We didn’t know which ones were yours so we brought all the ones we could find.”

“They’re all mine. I use the 3 sword-style. Santoryu.” Zoro sounds tired and hoarse.

Luffy, clearly, does not understand what that means nor does he particularly care. “So, you’ll take them? If you fight with us, you’ll be a government villain!” Luffy is nearly vibrating with glee at his own statement.

Keeping an eye on the Marines Kaz flies up to the post Zoro is still tied to and starts tugging at the rope, hoping to speed this along a bit. “It doesn’t come with any benefits, but it’s going to be one hell of an adventure. I highly recommend it.”

“Would you prefer that or letting the Navy kill you tied to a post?” Luffy is definitely either blackmailing or extorting at this point. Kaz doesn’t know the difference, but he knows one of them is happening.

There’s a manic looking grin on Zoro’s face now. “What are you two?” He asks again. “The devil’s own sons?”

“Please don’t lump me in with him, I have _some_ sense.” Kaz snarks above.

“Whatever, I’ll be in your crew if death here is the alternative.”

“YES! So, you’re in? Yes. Zoro’s joining the crew Kaz-u! Yes! WHooHOO!” Kaz rolls his eyes and starts to pick at the knot he’s certain is holding this all together on the post.

“Would you cut that out and get me out of these ropes!!!”

Zoro is squirming and not making this easy. “Easy there, Betsy. I think I found the right knot. Luffy stop tugging you’re making it worse.” The marines are reorganizing from watching the Devil Fruit Users land and Kaz would rather stand behind Zoro than fight himself. ‘ _Less chance to fuck up the story that way._ ’

Just as the Marines finally find their courage and charge them Kaz yanks the knot loose. “Finally.”

Zoro, badass of East Blue and directionless loser, snatches his swords up as soon as he gets enough room to yank his arms free. Then in a move Kaz can’t properly follow, Zoro has not only stopped the Marine’s charge, he is effectively holding 10 guys at a stand still with his mere 3 swords.

Zoro mutters an aggressive sounding “Don’t Move.” Which has several of the marines in actual tears.

Kaz…is stunned and mildly terrified. He turns to look down at Coby. “Coby, you were right. He’s fucking terrifying. I apologize for mocking you about that.”

Zoro addresses Luffy and Co. with his ultimatum about never preventing Zoro from reaching his goal, ever. Kaz salutes “Yes, sir.” No way was he going to stand in Zoro’s way. Like ever. No one should be able to fight one guy after not-eating for a month, let alone 10.

“World’s Greatest Swordsman, huh? That sounds great!! We need no less than the best on the crew of future Pirate King.

Zoro, duck.”

Zoro’s eyes grow wide but he ducks the incoming leg sweep as it clears the field behind him.

Morgan demands that all the people, those with actual sense, who want to flee shoot themselves in the head. It pretty much guarantees that Luffy aims right for him. The rest of the Marines have Zoro to deal with. For the whole 2 minutes it takes Zoro to smack them down. There’s not a lot of blood, but none of them look interested in getting back up.

Kaz is about 90% sure that most of them are rooting for Luffy beat the shit out of Morgan anyway. The fight is well in hand and it’s so weird that Luffy and Zoro are kind of already in sync. Which of course means something weaselly, named Helmeppo, shows up to ruin the Strawhat’s fun.

Kaz didn’t even notice that Helmeppo had come up behind him and Coby. It startles him a bit, when the Butt-chinned loser starts trying to threaten Luffy into stopping. ‘ _Why doesn’t anyone ever notice me?_ ’

“Don’t come any closer Strawhat! Hold it there! I have a hostage can’t you tell!” Luffy still throws a few more punches into Morgan’s chin before dropping him and advancing with his full grin towards Helmeppo.

“Luffy-san! I don’t want to be in your way! Not even if it costs my life, I won’t!” Coby shocks the whole field with his declaration. Except one person, ‘ _Aww there he is, there’s Garp’s future chew—I mean protégé._ ’

“Give it up stupid-son. Coby is really ready to die, you see?” Luffy continues his advance, but there’s little need. So long as Kaz is around, he doesn’t have to protect everyone constantly. Kaz can help out with this. Coby is destined for more than just his island.  

Ghosting from his perch, Kaz breezes up behind the hostage and the pistol-pointing idiot.

“Don’t~~Move~~~I mean it!”

“He might be ready to die, but he doesn’t have to not today.” Kaz sweeps Coby’s legs out from under him, making the boy drop to the floor. It’s timed perfectly with Luffy punching the ever-living shit out of Helmeppo. And with Zoro around to watch Luffy’s back, Morgan’s sneak attack is put down just as fast.

“Nice, Zoro.”

“My pleasure, Captain”

“…is anyone going to acknowledge that I helped?”

“t-t-thank you Kaz-san.” Kaz sighs and just pats Coby on the head. “yea-yea, no problem bud. Glad to see you found your spine there.”

He gets a shaky grin for his words and strolls back over to Luffy. To his surprise Zoro gives him a nod. The nod. The respect nod. ‘ _Wow, I can’t even, I’ve been acknowledged?’_

Zoro addresses the rest of the Marines in a laconic sounding challenge. There are zero takers. Quite the opposite in fact, they start cheering and tossing swords up in the air.

‘ _Which seems like a bad idea to me…yup, there they come._ ’ After Kaz rescues the idiot marines from their own celebration they drag a now snoring Zoro back to the restaurant which has become their temporary HQ on this island.

Rika greets them and Kaz elbows Zoro, who he is half carrying at this point, to wake him up.

“Gotta greet your biggest fan there, Zoro.” The remark gets a red flush to spread across Zoro’s face and he staggers further upright and says hi to the little girl he’d protected a month ago.

It had been another banner day for the still forming crew, Kaz reflected as they stuffed themselves with a complimentary meal from Rika’s mother. Zoro was marveling at just how much food both Luffy and Kaz could put away. Rika seemed delighted by Zoro and Kaz and her mother was definitely happy to see them.

Kaz tried to remind himself that East Blue was the easy part of the journey, it wouldn’t all be smiles and such as they moved on. But it was hard to dampen the joy he had in watching his friends’ bond over Luffy’s fighting prowess and general weirdness.

It had been a good day. ‘ _Hmmm, wonder where Nami got to? Eh we’ll find her later. Time to eat._ ’

“HEY! Luffy that’s my steak damnit. Give it back you thief.” Kaz launches himself across the table intent on retrieving what’s left of his meat. Zoro laughs from the table as they roll across the floor.

Yea, it was a good day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Mission Complete: You've acquired one Marimo. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	8. #MissionComplete #You'veAcquiredAMarimo

“Let’s meet again sometime, COBY!” Luffy shouts as they sail into the rising sun the next morning. It’s abominably early and all Kaz wants to do is go back to sleep. Luffy AND Zoro snore like freight trains and since they’d shared a room between all three of them, Kaz hadn’t really been able to drop off.

Kaz waves lazily from his post against the mast and drops off nearly instantly. Missing the Marine’s salute and the remainder of the farewell and Luffy shouting about the Grandline.

Leaving Coby to the marines in charge of the island, the three members of the Strawhat crew sail out into the unknown.

Because none of them know one fucking thing about navigation…what had he signed up for…

 

**2 days later:**

“I’m so hungry~~~” Luffy is moaning from the front of the boat. Due to everyone onboard the dingy being completely stupid and Kaz did include himself in that, they had failed to get an accurate heading to the nearest island from Coby or even one of the marines.

“Everyone is hungry Luffy. You ate all the supplies yesterday. We don’t even have any apples to eat.” Kaz mutters.

“So~~~ hungry.” Luffy whines.

‘ _Why do I bother speaking…_ ’Kaz huffs to himself.

“When the hell _are_ we going to hit land already?”

‘ _Great. Now Zoro’s going to bitch too.’_ Kaz turns around in the bow of the boat and lets his legs dangle in the water. He’s so fucking done that he welcomes the numb ache the water brings. It’s something to feel besides hunger at least. His heavy sighs eventually drag Zoro’s attention over to him.

Luffy is thinking happy thoughts about something and not paying them any attention anymore.

“Doesn’t that hurt? You’re a Devil Fruit user like Luffy, right?” there’s a confused frown on Zoro’s face.

“Not really, anything below the knees and it’s just a cold achy feeling. More refreshing than idiot induced hunger. Mostly.” Kaz shrugs. “Neither of us really knows how to navigate we didn’t even plan to go in this direction originally. It’s just the way we panicked in leaving Goa.”

Luffy agrees and tells Zoro about their (thanks to Kaz, if he does take the time to toot his own horn, thank you) epic escape form Fuusha’s harbor and the Seaking Luffy had decked on the way out. Zoro looks suitably impressed by the time Kaz chips in about panicking so hard he made the boat fly.

“So you guys meant that literally…you just go where Windy over there blows you?” he asks.

“That or get escorted by nervous marine wannabes with pink hair.”

Zoro looks at them like he too is not a complete moron, it’s a little annoying. “Isn’t it kinda fucked up that the guy who wants to be King of the Pirates can’t fucking navigate??”

In honor of their shared head-nod moment at Morgan’s beat down, Kaz manfully chokes back the nearly automatic bark of laughter that Zoro, of ALL people, is criticizing someone else’s ability to navigate.

“Not a Captain's job to plot the course buckaroo, just picks the destination. Relax, we just need to find a Navigator is all" is his second choice and much more PC response. His nonchalance isn’t appreciated by a grumbling Zoro, but Luffy prevents them from actually fighting.

Mostly by redirecting the fire right at himself. It’s both heartening and not to know that never really changes. At least Luffy can handle the fall out.

Luffy chimes in though to point out that as a bounty hunter, Zoro ought to know something about navigation as well. Zoro being about 50% cooler than anyone else on the boat props his elbows on the side of the boat. “I don’t recall ever calling myself that. Certainly, didn’t set out to sea to do it either. I set out to look for a certain man…but then I couldn’t get back to my village. I just went after pirate ships to make enough to get by.”

“Oh…so you’re lost.” Luffy states, causing Zoro to hammer his fist into his side of the boat hard enough to shake the whole dingy.

“Don’t put it like that!”

Kaz can’t help himself at this point he laughs and turns around so he can address Zoro without choking on his own spit. “If only you could figure out which way North was. You’d have caught up to him by now. Also, how do you lose a whole fucking island?”

Zoro growls, legit growls, at Kaz and lunges for him.

Kaz emits a falsely high scream and burrows under Luffy as the boat rocks dangerously. Luffy’s hat goes flying off his head and Luffy quickly shoots off after it. Leaving Kaz defenseless as Zoro regains his footing in the shaking boat.

Not willing to get as pummeled as a Logia can be, Kaz zips up the mast to safety. He’ll sleep up here if he has to. Maybe if Zoro stops glaring before the sun sets, they can fish for dinner…

 

**3 days later:**

 “Hey! Who ate all the fish??? We just _caught_ those fish!” shouts a disappointed Kaz. He already knows the answer he is just terminally in denial about how little food actually makes it into his mouth these days. He misses jerky so bad. Real jerky, not the smelly fish jerky they’d made yesterday afternoon.

“Sorry Kaz-u. I got hungry on watch.” Luffy, who most definitely does not know the meaning of the word repentant, doesn’t look repentant AT ALL. The ass.

“So, we still have no heading and now no food…again.” Seriously…just caught those fish _last_ night. ‘ _Just let it go buddy, just let.it.go…_ ’

“We didn’t bring enough booze either.” Says Zoro. Who is littering by throwing the now empty bottle of wine over the side of the small ship…boat…dinghy, he decides. ‘ _Everyone loves a dinghy, right?’_

Zoro who is clearly a man of action or a close copy of one in this moment tries to take control of the situation. As most situations seem to turn out for him, this ends poorly for Kaz.

“Oi, Windy. Which way is North?”

Kaz floats over cautiously. While he’d love to avoid Zoro until the severe scowling turned back into neutral frowning, if Zoro had any idea on how to get unstuck from the middle of the ocean, he had more than Kaz at the moment. “Uh, it’s always uh right…” he has to stop and think for a minute. NC is on the east coast…and if he faced the east coast then… “uh no sorry it’s always left of the rising sun. Sooo that way.” He pointed mostly certain he was right.

Zoro is staring at him hard. Kaz assumes he’s thinking and he doesn’t want to profile or more importantly piss off the guy who bench-presses the barbell equivalent of a Volkswagen. With that thought he manufactures a gust and “accidentally” knocks the hat off Luffy’s head. Pushing the breeze up and away from the water. He’s not stupid, he knows what that hat means to Luffy, it’s just that by this point Luffy owes him the convenient escape. It’s just this once. Really.

“I’ll get it Luffy, you stay down here!” Kaz offers as his, intentionally for once, dissipates and soars up the mast the catch Luffy’s iconic hat. Hat in hand he hands it off to his captain who is waiting on top of the sail. Having slung himself up there after his hat.

“Thanks, Kaz-u!”

“No prob. Luffy. Keep a better hold of that thing, yea? It’s important.” They both drop, too heavily, down into the boat. Starting it rocking again, though this time everyone maintains their footing. Kaz is suitable impressed with himself for not face planting, once again, into the deck of the dinghy.

And Zoro is no longer staring menacingly at him from too-close away. Maybe it’ll be a better day than yesterday, when he spent half of it up the mast. His boney ass wasn’t meant for that sort of punishment.

So, Kaz is standing, still and casual-like, up until the point Zoro grabbed his shirt in blurring move of his hand and asked “Sooo, you can fly right? Check for land this time.”

“What?”

He has all of 3 seconds to be terrified as he is launched skyward. Higher than he usually went on his own.

“Ahhhhhhhh!”

His only thought is that, while Zoro might not have Devil Fruit, Kaz was fucking certain that Zoro just did **NOT** need one. He managed not to have his 7 th heart attack of the week after a moment and stop screaming long enough to actually get his bearings. ‘ _Who just yeets people 40 ft in the air??_ ’ Then he realizes that he’s been hanging out with Luffy for two years now and Luffy? Also that kind of asshole.

Kaz worries what that means for him, before remembering that he’s been asked to look for land.

Using his abilities and the boost from Zoro to rise a little further, guessing that while he’s up here he might actually see land or something. But he saw fuck all on the way up. Just lots of water and the cool breeze they’d been letting steer them all day. So, nothing to the North really.

Kaz checked to the east…diddly.

He looked to the West…fuck all there.

Alright what’s happening in the Sou…’ _Oh fuck, that’s a big birb._ ’

There’s about two seconds in between that thought and the bird diving to catch the brightly colored writer.

Initially, he panics and Kaz is not afraid to admit that. The giant pelican thing had him trapped in its freaky pouch mouth and even with Kaz’s frantic thrashing the bird carried on.

And then he remembered… ‘ _You are a fucking logia, idiot._ ’ And seconds later he is trying to pry the stupid pelican’s mouth open, it fights him all the way. He finally gets his head out of the stupid things mouth, only to realize that he is very far from the boat…and Luffy and Zoro.

‘ _I am **not** flying out of this…wait a minute…this was supposed to happen to Luffy’_ Too far from the boat to fly out and now realizing that he, Kaz, has accidentally displaced Luffy in a _vital_ plot point.

His mind spirals into panic and mortification.

‘ _Step 1: DO NOT fuck with the plot line_

_ Step 2: Fucking **fail** step 1—SHIT FUCK GODDAMN SON OF A WHORE MOTHER-’ _

The cursing and violent pity of fucking up his only (self-imposed) directive sees him flailing madly inside the bird. His only hope is that Luffy and Zoro panic hard enough in the right direction…which, he thinks dejectedly, is asking for a _hell_ of a lot…

His unexpected flight carries on in self-inflicted pity but relative comfort. At least until, far as Kaz can tell during his sudden descent, the bird randomly disintegrates around him. The concussive force of a shot he didn’t hear over his own self-loathing ruins Kaz’s cohesion as he is blasted out of the air.

Singed and not wholly together Kaz lands like a limp noodle made of air. Penne specifically.

The PLAP is probably not the most traumatizing thing, in retrospect, as Kaz’s arm is definitely not where it should be. It doesn’t hurt overly much. Garp had done loads worse. But it does feel awfully awkward. He shakes off the disorientation of the sudden landing with a whimper and drags himself to his feet while fiddling with his dislocated arm.

Only to finally notice that he has replaced Luffy further by landing in between Nami and some of the Buggy Pirates. ‘ _Shit. Well I can’t let Nami handle this on her own._ ’

Nami however is a lot quicker on the uptake. Perhaps remembering that Kaz had already mowed down several marines on her behalf, accidentally but who’s counting. She’s probably hoping he’ll do it again with these weird looking assholes. Kaz likes to think of himself as a gentleman sometimes. Not all the time, he knows he can be a dick, but he’s never left a lady to distress yet. Not that he knew a lot of damsels in distress…or that Nami could even qualify as one, now that he thinks on it.

“Ah! Boss! Good timing…Again! They’re all yours. I’ll go get that thing ready…Bye!” and much like with Luffy Nami is away before anyone can stop her, much less get a word in edgewise.

“Huh?” his confusion is plain until he remembers that she’d done the same to Luffy. He jerks upright “Right, uh…clear out…Minion?” ‘ _Crap, forgot…we’re not friends yet. At least I can’t be hurt by swords here. My poor clothes on the other hand…_ ’

“Wait. You’re her boss?” Thug-who-looks-like-Frankenstein shouts. “That’s as good as catching that thief. Get hi--”

Kaz interrupts and wooshes forward to clap the guy on the shoulder. “Sorry boys, but that treasure(?) is ours now. We stole it fair and square. But more importantly, my friend, my bro, my compadre…can I get your help with this arm? I think I landed on it funny?”

The three pirates seem the appropriate levels of completely confused at Kaz’s reasonable tone. Secretly he’s channeling his inner fake salesman from the 40s as hard as he can. “Listen buddy, we don’t—”

“Roulette.” Kaz holds the Franken-pirate by the shoulder and let’s his body form a whirlwind and leans into it. Swirling harder and sucking up tweedledee and dumb. With inexpert timing he shoots all three out in a rapid fire back down the street…or he means to. Unfortunately, there’s a slight miscalculation with his timing and he accidentally-s the pirates into the building Nami is now perched on top of. And he does mean the pirates have entered the building ‘ _Bu-dum-tish_ ’

He momentarily has to pause his self-congratulations on using his Roulette move, mostly right, for a moment out of panic but sees that Nami has it under control. Nami is too nimble to fall. She gracefully slides down the roof and lands on the balcony now shading the unconscious brutes who’d been chasing her.

“Oooohkaayyyy, that's why that kid called you windy...I guess. So, Windyguy—”

‘ _Whhhhhhhy_ ’ Kaz keeps his complaints silent, but droops a bit, he consoles himself with the fact that at least he isn’t still “that constipated guy” to Nami. He’d take Windy over that any day.

“—Thanks for saving me again. You look like a nice sturdy...person(?) who's not afraid of a little stabbing right?.”

“Ummmm yes? I mean, so far so good. Except for the all shirts I’ve lost to it.” He’s preening a bit at _NAMI_ of all people calling him strong...okay she said 'sturdy' but still...It is so nice to be acknowledged. First Zoro and now Nami. Maybe this week isn’t so shitty after all. He's choosing to ignore the hesitancy with which Nami names him a 'person'. They can elaborate on the whole Devil Fruit thing later...like when the plot is up and running again. 

“Great! So, you want to team up? I’m an A+ navigator. We could go anywhere between me and you.” There’s like a really endearing light in her eyes as she hops down from the balcony to stand near him. She’s also like, super tiny. Like Luffy tiny, but doesn’t appear to take up as much space, fortunately he knows better than to be fooled by her appearance.

Nami is likely smarter than the rest of the crew, people-wise, excluding Robin and twice as fierce. Especially when she wants something from someone.

“I uh, would. Totally. Except I can’t. I’m very bad at stealing and stealth in general.” Kaz dissembles a bit.  He’d hate to outright say no…Luffy would try to get her to join no matter what, but he doesn’t have Luffy’s level of stubborn charisma to fall back. He isn’t even that endearing…unless someone had a particular weakness for the socially awkward ‘ _Not likely._ ‘And he does NOT want to be responsible for losing Nami. They  need her.

“You don’t have to be sneaky. That’s what I do~” Nami stops trying to beguile him on charm alone and adds in a more serious tone “My goal is to steal 100 million beri, no matter what it takes.”

The emotion in her words is enough to make him tear up. His own thoughts and memories of why she has need of 100 million beri finishes him off. He turns, hoping she assumes he is thinking it over and tries to keep the whimpering sobs to a minimum.

‘ _She’s such a strong person! And she shared that precious goal… **with meeeeee**_ ’ He has to take a solid minute to hug himself and bite his lip to even slightly mask the level of _touched_ he is by that. If he didn’t have to keep the plot on track? He’d be agreeing in a second, but he just couldn’t be the reason Luffy failed to even **get** to the Grandline.

‘ _Because let’s face kids, Luffy is a hopeless navigator and no one, but no one, is better than Nami at her game._ ’

Kaz gathers himself and chokes back a sniffly sob. And tries to sound like he hasn’t just been shoved through the emotional wringer in under two minutes. “Look, I would, really. If I weren’t already married to the idea of being with my crew till the end. I gotta be there to write the tale, you know?”

Nami is staring at him like she might just know where he’s going with this. He can’t actually lie to her; she’d hate him forever and Kaz firmly refuses to do anything to jeopardize her joining the crew. Besides, Nami has been lied to enough and she doesn’t even know the worst one yet. He has to tell her about the Strawhats at least, plant the idea…subtle-like. He knows she’ll hate the idea on principle, but Luffy would be along soon to make the official offer, save the town from Buggy, and charm his way into Nami’s heart. ‘ _Here goes nothing._ ’

“But hey, the Strawhat Pirates are totally looking for a navigator though! Why don’t you join us instead?” He admits, it is not as subtle as he wished, but it’s the best she’s getting from him. He can’t be expected to be his wittiest in front of Nami, who acknowledged him like 5 seconds ago. The plot has to be corrected even if he has to take Luffy’s place for a hot second, but there is no way he can charm his way out of this. ‘ _Where are they anyway? Eh, thoughts for later._ ’

Nami’s face drops and she props one hand on her hip so she can wave the other more emphatically under his nose. “You’re a pirate? Hell no. There’s nothing else on this planet that I hate more than Pirates.” And Kaz isn’t scared to admit the expected venom in her voice does sting a bit. He pouts visibly, hoping to look pathetic enough that she doesn’t outright deck him like she’ll later be prone to doing to Luffy. Nami continues, adding firmly that “I only like tangerines and money. Nothing more!”

Kaz feels properly cowed by all the fierce yelling she’s doing and holds his hands up to surrender the point visibly. Not daring to speak, lest she take offense and change her mind about decking him. While he can avoid most pain, he isn’t willing to test it too often.

Luckily for Kaz’s goal of getting the plot back on the right track, his gesture of surrender and Nami’s verbal corning of him is seen. Three more of Buggy’s goons turn the corner behind Nami, who either sees them out of the corner of her or catches the widening of Kaz’s own. Kaz, even knowing Nami, is still a little shocked at how quickly she moves from yelling at him to figuring out how to get away from these guys. It takes mere seconds for her to look at what’s coming and hear the threats they’re shouting out her.

Nami is suddenly as in his face as she can be and whispers “I need your help to get close to Buggy. Agree to help and I’ll consider joining you.” She’s batting her eyes at him and trying to look sweet. But Kaz is wise to her shenanigans, however, moving towards Buggy is where Luffy, now substituted for Kaz, is supposed to be…so he fakes it. Pulling on all his dramatic talents.

“Oh! Cool. Yeah sure do-uh-do I need to get rid of those guy---where did you get that rope from????” Kaz realizes that Nami had finessed both his hands into tight knot of rope. He knows he could easily breeze out of this…he hopes Nami realizes that too, but this *is* where he needs to be.

“It’s a secret.” She chirps. She then puts on a show for thugs running for them. It’s, honestly, a hilarious event to watch. Nami has those guys so confused in under a minute that they might legit believe she caught Kaz all by herself and is using him to bargain for inclusion into Buggy’s crew. ‘ _She’s my hero, look at these shmucks. They are actually escorting us all the way to Buggy himself…_ ’

He gets to watch in absolute amazement when she does it again right in front of Buggy himself. And the weirdo buys it. It still ends with Kaz in a tiny-ass little cage that his lanky frame does not fit comfortably into, but the sheer brass Nami has impresses him even more. He would have put money on that not being possible. And sure, Kaz technically knew Buggy would fall for it.

However, this being as real as real gets…he had certainly expected more convincing dialogue between them than what he’d seen in the anime, but… ‘ _Fuck me, I don’t think she even really tried_ ’ is all he can think as the Buggy start gathering for a party to welcome Nami into the crew. Meanwhile he’s stuck in a five-foot square block and he can’t even risk trying to whirlwind some of the delicious smelling roasted meat they are having into his mouth… ‘ _FML_ ’

On the other hand, his tears of frustration are really selling his apparent misery over Nami’s “betrayal” handily. ‘ _God, I hope the crew shows up soon. I can’t be tortured like this much longer._ ’ Kaz barely keeps himself entertained by taking his cracked goggles off and clinking them slowly against the bars of his cage. He’d prefer a mug, but apparently no one taught these goofs anything about the Geneva Convention. He has rights! And he would prefer if they came with meat, especially now…while Luffy isn’t within thieving range.

But everything is going along as it should, with or without snacks, and Kaz is just starting to wonder when Buggy is going try shooting him with a cannon. Cause this? It’s really boring and borderline torture with the food just out of reach.

Buggy, for once, has exceptionally good timing though. Taking Kaz’s apparent despondency over the lack of meat in his diet as true melancholy over what Nami allegedly did, Buggy starts trying to taunt him and drags Nami into it as well.

Though now that Kaz thinks about it, maybe Buggy is keeping her close because he doesn’t quite believe her. Even with Kaz trapped in the world’s smallest cell meters away from braised beef goodness ‘ _Refocus, now is not the time, unfortunately_ ’

“How pathetic” Buggy calls, using his Imma-a-scary-pirate voice. Nami hesitantly agrees with Buggy’s assessment of Kaz’s alleged leadership abilities. ‘ _Joke’s on them, **I’m** a follower._ ’Kaz doesn’t really think Buggy’s piss-poor taunts deserve a verbal response, but he does blow the loudest razzberry possible at Buggy and clink his goggles harder against the bars. Kaz has never, will never, claimed to be mature.

CLINK Clink CLANK ClinkClinkClink CLANK

Hoping to annoy the shit out of Buggy and get this party rolling. Kaz is confident that he can blow out the fuse as long as it takes for Luffy and Zoro to catch up. In anime time they should be really close by right now, close enough to hear the test shot ring out over the town.

“Right Nami? This is your chance to *prove* your loyalty…and you are loyal right? Do it. I’m being so generous as to give you a Buggy Ball. Bring Nami the cannon!” he shouts to his minions. And the large black, still smoking, cannon is trundled forth to aim directly at Kaz.

‘ _Huh, that is a very large bomb…and I have never been so glad to be partially intangible._ ’

That thought is quickly replaced with concern over Nami, who looks like she’s scared out of her mind. ‘ _Poor Nami. This is a little traumatic for her. What with Bellemere and Arlong and all that._ ’

Kaz decides to put her at ease the only way he can. “Hey. Don’t worry so much. Pirates are pirates because they chose to be. Mostly” Silently thinking of Coby. “Do what you have to tangerine-girl. I choose to be here, ya know?” Hoping that his encouragement and subtle reminder that he is technically made of air helps. She looks a little less scared, but slightly confused now.

Nami’s indecision prompts one of the clown-ier pirates to steal the matches and light one. He gets dangerously close to lighting the fuse. Kaz is taking a deep breath in preparation to snuff out the burning fuse when Nami surprises the lot of them by cold-cocking the pirate with her staff. It was a hell of a hit and the guy is out cold. The ferocity of the action seems to stun Nami as much as everyone else. Except for Kaz, who already knows that beneath that tough-as-nails persona, Nami is a good person. And good people don’t blow up someone who’s as dorky and helpful as Kaz has been.

Sadly, the falling match still manages to catch the fuse. Nami turns as Kaz quietly sighs and utters a dejected “oh dear” and sees the lit fuse. Kaz was still certain that while being blown up may not feel great, being a Logia has its perks and he’d certainly be back to rights within minutes. Nami, does not appear to know that though, perhaps thinking his wind abilities are a paramecia derived fruit instead. ‘ _Hell, she may not know more about Devil Fruits than anyone else in East Blue either._ ’

Not wanting her to get burned for his sake, not when he isn’t really in that much danger. He waits until he sees Nami’s instinctive wince before she touches something she knows will burn her…and he snuffs the flame. ‘ _The important part, is that she tried to save a pirate. That’s the character development that’s important here. Right? Right._ ’

Nami rotates through a serious of emotions within a second just rapid-fire expectation of pain-surprise-outrage at the trick-and settles somewhere between wary and impressed. Kaz doesn’t hesitate to offer a cheesy grin and a wink. Her expression drops a bit, but there’s no time for her to yell at him. The Buggy pirates have regained what few wits they have and are egged forth to hurt Nami by Buggy. ‘ _That dick. And I can’t get a clear shot at them either!_ ’

Kaz draws Nami’s attention away from the crowd praying she’ll trust at least once more. “Nami! Duck!!!”

Kaz uses his wind abilities to free his hands and as Nami ducks behind the cannon draws wind together in his open cupped palms, letting swirl violently and build “Kaze-haaaaze---”

“GUM GUM ROCKET!”

Luffy has launched himself and Zoro from a nearby building, judging from the angle. Luffy either releases Zoro to deal with the pirates or Zoro, seeing that no good could come of landing alongside Luffy, jumps ship early. Regardless the result is that Zoro is launched into the crowd like someone playing 30-pin bowling. Zoro scores a respectable 15 out of 30 pirates down in the crash. He even checks on a shocked Nami.

Luffy, however, not reading the situation right, has aimed right for Kaz. Not given a chance to brace for impact, Luffy blitzes into the cage shoving Kaz’s airy body through the slats on the other side…and locking his own dumb ass in the cage…

Kaz is wholly unprepared for the sudden transition into air and it takes most of minute to right himself. Nami probably sensing or hoping for safety quickly dodges away from the fight brewing between Zoro and Buggy. Kaz knows what’s coming and isn’t going to stop it. Zoro and Luffy can take the hits they receive just fine. Nami is the only physically fragile one right now.

Besides, he _just_ got the plot back to where it is supposed to be, there will be no more deviation from the planed route, dammit.

Still, watching Zoro get stabbed is not fun. He flinches just thinking about how a stabbing would feel were he not wind. ‘ _Yay, Logia Fruit!_ ’ Luffy doesn’t like it either and quickly pulls Buggy’s attention back to him, where he is still trapped by the cage. ‘ _Zoro’s probably the only one outright strong enough to just yank Luffy out of there the same way he got in. And Zoro currently has a, sorry several, holes in him, so doesn’t look like that’s an option right now._ ’

Luffy shouts “OI, stabbing him from behind is unfair, red nose!” Buggy, flustered sends his disembodied hand with a single dagger hurling at Luffy. It doesn’t even seem to faze Buggy that Luffy bites _through_ his dagger. He just withdraws his hand and leaps back at Zoro.

When Luffy tells them to run, they refuse. Kaz blasts himself over to the cannon and shouts for Zoro to keep the spastic clown-man busy. Zoro, like the tank he is, leaps in front of Kaz. Stalling Buggy long enough for Kaz to get lay under the cannon and try is ultimate technique again.

Over the clang and clash of knives and swords Kaz again cups his hands and gathers his element to them. “Kazeee-Haze-HAAAA” launching a spiraling blast up and flipping the cannon over so that it is now aimed right at Buggy and his remaining goons.

Nami, ever quick to see an advantage is already striking the match to light the fuse. Kaz quickly ghosts out from under the cannon as the Buggy Pirates scramble to avoid the oncoming blast. Thanks to it already being burned down from earlier they don’t have time to get clear.

Zoro is already dragging the cage and Luffy off the roof as Kaz gusts down after him and Nami. They just get clear of the rooftop when the blast shakes the house down to its foundations.

Zoro is struggling under the weight of the cage with Luffy still in it and Kaz moves to help. He doesn’t like the way it looks like Zoro is tearing his wound wider with each step. Not that it’s slowing him down much or stopping the stoic guy from verbally berating Luffy.

“How did you even get in there?? I thought Kaz was in the fucking cage! He could have got out on his own!”

“Hey Zoro, you’re hurt ya know?” Luffy asks, as if the big guy hadn’t noticed and completely ignoring what Zoro is fussing about.

“You just stay in there. I’m going to do things my way!”

Nami still hasn’t been introduced to the crew yet and is standing in stunned silence before she gathers herself to ask in dumfounded wonder “Who _are_ you guys??” She’s watching Zoro bleed while still adamantly refusing to lower the cage, Kaz is helping, but it is still a struggle.

Luffy finally clues into their tag-a-long as they start retreating into the city. Kaz has no intention of having a meet and greet right in front of Buggy…and what’s left of his crew. He knows they are all dead, so he shoves and Zoro pulls the cage down the line of roofs they have managed to jump to.

“Who are you??” Luffy finally thinks to ask. Staring blankly at a still stunned looking Nami. Kaz chimes in, his voice strained with effort.

“That..is Nami—she’s a great navigator Luffy. Real thrifty too—ugh—We should hire her.”

“OOOH! That’s great! You should could come with us. I’m Luffy and I’m going to be King of the Pirates!” says the young boy made of rubber, who trapped _himself_ in a concrete cage…

Zoro must feel Kaz rolling his eyes or is just that done with today, because he snorts and mutters “King of the Idiots today” loud enough for all of them to hear. Their witty banter doesn’t seem to have cleared things up for Nami. To be fair, she has had a day. She met a guy made of wind, one made of rubber, and Zoro who is probably 90% determination.

‘ _Yeah, we are all kind of freaky aren’t we?_ ’

Between Zoro and Kaz they manage to get Luffy and cage downtown. When Zoro’s side gives out they are close enough that Luffy gets easily distracted by a cute little dog sitting in front of store… ‘ _Oh, I totally forgot about that…Luffy has to punch that weird Lion-guy and Simba the Jumbo Lion out._ ’

 **Thud** … _SNORE_. ZZZzzzzZZZzzz

But maybe first, he decides, he will drag Zoro somewhere more comfortable than the street. He has been bleeding for a solid half hour and that just isn’t healthy. ‘ _And no Chopper in sight…_ ’

Before Kaz can do much more than frown at the situation, their crew’s bizarre luck comes through and the Mayor of this abandoned town shows back up. Kaz is almost certain he is wearing coconut-based armor and for his life cannot figure out why someone would do that. He definitely misses everything the Mayor says, trying to see if there’s any sloshing going on in the shoulder pads (?). ‘ _Where did he **find** a coconut big enough for a chest plate…_ ’

He gives up sorting that weirdness out when the old man gestures for Kaz to help him move Zoro into a nearby house. Seeing as that might let Zoro heal through the power of napping (a Kaz approved method in the absence of actual medicine) Kaz heaves to and manages to mostly heft Zoro up on his own. ‘ _Seriously, I do not think this Mayor guy is pulling his half of the weight here._ ’

By the time Zoro is resting comfortably Luffy has managed to enrage the sheepdog in front of the store and _lost_ the key to the cage to its stomach. “Honestly, Luffy. I leave you for a second and you manage to make this worse?”

“Shishishi, he started it Kaz-u. I just wanted to pet him. He was being mean~” Luffy ends by pouting a little. Kaz has seen that face to often to be fooled by it. He sits on the stairs of the store and promptly moves his ass to the top of Luffy’s cage when the tiny dog snarls at him. “Okay Luffy, I see your point.”

Kaz is just trying to recall what they did in the anime to get Luffy out of the damn cage, when there’s a distant roar and the rumble of something larger than them mucking about town.

The Mayor hears it to and recognizes it, it is a very distinctive roar. Like a B-movie dinosaur hissing roar. “It’s the Beast Tamer, Mohji!”

‘ _Oh yeah, good old Mochi breaks the cage for us. Good timing._ ’

Shortly the odd looking Tamer and his pet giant-ass lion Richie run into view and enter the town square. Nami and the Mayor run for distant.

“How unfortunate that you run into me, so soon after you escaped. I am Mohji The Lion Tamer! A member of the Buggy Pirates.”

“Mochi? Like the ice cream?” Kaz asks.

“What? No, I said Mohji!”

“Oooo. I love that stuff!” Luffy says, to no one’s (Kaz’s) surprise, before he tilts further on his back so he can get a better look at the off colored lion and its rider. “That’s a weird animal suit you got on there, Mochi.” Luffy comments, ignoring the man’s spluttering about his name. Kaz is feeling a bit smug about starting that one himself.

“This is my hair!! How rude!”

“That is not helping your case there, Mochi.” Kaz informs him. Luffy shakes his head too. ‘This is taking too long…and his face is creepy’

Ignoring whatever Mohji is doing with the little dog, Kaz gets behind Luffy’s cage and asks “

“Hey, Luffy?”

“Hmm?”

“Remember when you and Zoro fed me to a bird earlier?”

“Shishishishi, yea you cussed really loud! We could hear it in the boat!” The rubbery menace laughs.

“Right…hold still.” Kaz wedges his hands underneath Luffy and takes aim with another Kaze-Ha blast. He actually has really good aim and yeets Luffy directly at the giant green cat. Who obligingly shatters the cage in reflex, swatting Luffy into a house nearby. Kaz winces, but thankfully Luffy is made of rubber. He gusts past both Buggy Pirates and helps Luffy dig his way out of the collapsed house.

Nami and the Mayor must have hidden over in this direction, because they are already there and watching Luffy pry his way out by the time Kaz gets to the house.

Nami has that What-the-actual-fuck-is-this-guy look on her face again. Kaz guesses that the new still hasn’t worn off how stupid resilient and fuck-off strong Luffy is. The Mayor is actually staring in open amazement and exclaiming that Luffy shouldn’t be able to live through that.

Kaz finds that debatable, Zoro lives through all kinds of nasty shit with like 3 scars to show for it and no Devil Fruit to rely on. Anime physics are bullshit.

Luffy and Kaz return to the Pet Store only to find in flames. Luffy looks to Kaz to see him already shaking his head. “I don’t know how he got it burning so quick, Captain. But if I try to blow it out now…I’ll just set the rest of the town off. I’m sorry.”

Kaz had forgotten this part and in taking his time retrieving Luffy he was too late to be able to blow out the inferno. Luffy, clenches his fist as they watch it burn and watch as that cute little dog loses his home. ‘ _This sucks, why do people have to be so fucking awful. What point was there to set this place on fire?_

Luffy nods and claps Kaz on the shoulder. “Not your fault Kaz-u. Keep an eye on the Mayor and Nami. Don’t let ChouChou get too close to that.”

“You got it, Captain. Kick his ass.”

Settling his hat firmer on his head, Luffy goes lion hunting. It doesn’t take long to send Lionel packing and judging by the screams from the next street over, Luffy doesn’t Mohihihiji either. Good, guy was weirdo anyway and Kaz knows weird, he lives it.

 

The Mayor is rightly upset at the further destruction of a town he, apparently helped to build. Seriously, Kaz had no friggin clue that was part of the story. ‘ _Man, I wish had something to write all this down in…we need to stop being poor._ ’

His anger is catching too. As Luffy returns he must hear how the Mayor called the town ‘his treasure’ and welp…one ill-timed Buggy-ball into the Mayor’s own house…Buggy’s fate is sealed. There’s nothing capable of stopping Luffy now, the captain of the Strawhat Pirates will not stand idly by and watch someone’s treasures be burned to the ground. Not going to happen.

‘ _Wait…is that the house we put Zoro in? Yep_ ’

“OOoooooh, yikes.” Seems to be the overall impression and Kaz agrees. He knows Zoro will be okay enough to fight that Cabaji guy later, but “DAYum” is all he’s got right now as Zoro pops up through the shattered wood frame like a sleepy green daisy.

Kaz winces when more of the house collapses further and he leaves Nami and Luffy to wrangle the Mayor guy. He helps Zoro out of the broken house, mostly by getting all the dust out of the guys face. Zoro grunts a manly sort of thank you and remarks:

“Eh? Looks like the party is getting lively! ‘Bout time.”

Luffy agrees and starts heading back towards Buggy with determination in his eyes. “I like that old guy, Shishishi.”

Kaz hops out of the wreckage of the house that literally just blew the fuck up around Zoro’s unconscious ass and stares….

Nami must be on the same wave length as him “What is—you’re going after him too?? You have three stab wounds!!!”

Zoro, who just breathes badassery says as he ties on his bandana “The injury to my name was much worse than the ones to my gut!”

“Our destination is the Grandline. We are going to steal that map back and help the old guy get his town back! C’mon guys we’re going now.” Luffy declares. And Kaz can’t argue with that kind of righteous determination. This is why he loves this crew.

Luffy extends that aura of inevitable victory further than just Kaz this time. Calling for Nami “Join our crew, Nami!” and extends his hand to her.

Even though he knows the slap and sly suggestion that they just team up is coming, Kaz still kind of gets his hopes up. But hey, Nami still agrees to travel alongside them if not _with_ them and that’s the important part. The part where Kaz is  not in _anyway_ fucking up the plot.


	9. #CircusLYFE #RoguesFTW

They arrive back at the edge of town where Buggy is hanging out. Thankfully in time for Luffy to stop Buggy from killing the Mayor. The old guy still gets the life throttled out of him, but manages to recover enough to yell at Luffy.

Luffy’s idea to smash the old guy’s head into the nearby building to knock him and keep him out of the way…not really the most well thought out plan. He really has to agree with Nami on this one and not just because they are totally bros by this point, there were several alternatives to just giving him a concussion via wall.

“Seriously Luffy, _think_.” He sighs. Kaz has such a headache right now.

“Shishishi, you sound like Ace.” Luffy chuckles as he walks away. Which is nice way of saying that they are nagging him about something, that to Luffy, is silly. Nami tries to explain but Luffy is already marching up to the building holding Buggy.

Demonstrating exactly how loud one can be when your entire chest expands on command, Luffy shouts “OI BIG NOSE!”

It’s at his max volume and it rings out, leaving a stunned silence in its wake across Buggy’s men. Nami is the only one panicking and Kaz tries his best to soothe her fears.

“That is the absolute _worst_ thing he could have said!”

“Don’t worry, Luffy came here to fight and he knows what Buggy’s powers are…sort of…that’s more than he usually has by far. That’s almost a plan.”

Nami swats his arm, covering her nerves up with anger. Which is far more productive if you ask Kaz. But she falls right back into shocked affront when she’s sees Luffy’s, not technically, patented Gum Gum Balloon.

In person, it does look extremely weird and Luffy does make the same sound with his lips as a balloon when he deflates. Kaz isn’t sure if it is on purpose or not, but he honestly would be disappointed if it stopped. It always gets a chuckle out of him.

“What the HELL are you??”

“You really know how to freak people out…” are the rest of the crew’s reactions, which they did already explain that Luffy is a rubber dude. Like, everything in him, just rubber. Really stretchy rubber though, like a rubber band, not a tire.

Kaz tries to explain as they wait for the dust and rubble of the building that once held up the Buggy crew to settle. He’s mostly ignored, except by Nami who seems to look at him to be the sane one on the crew.

Personally, Kaz cannot fricking wait to pass that torch officially on to her. He misses shenanigans. Shenanigans with Luffy tend to end in massive property damage though and he always feels a little guilty about it. When Nami joins up permanently though…he’s going back to being a lot less responsible. The plot will be his only concern then, plenty of time to torment his crewmates.

 _Nami_ can be in charge of stopping the property damage, Kaz isn’t all that good at it anyway.

Example A, being the rubble pile in front of them right now. Good News: About 97% of the Buggy Pirates are a non-issue right now. Bad News: Buggy is one of the 3% so they are definitely having this fight out.

Buggy crawls out of the rubble holding two of his own men in front of him. After him Cabaji and Mohiji crawl out too. Though Mohiji is more worried about Lionel Richie than fighting them, seeing as Cabaji takes after his captain and used the lion as a shield.

Reality sinks in for Nami after Mohiji confirms that Luffy also has a Devil Fruit, leaving Kaz to wonder if everything he did earlier—Right in front of their ENTIRE crew—was just his imagination.

“Seriously? Did no one notice the awesome wind powers I used earlier? Really?” Unfortunately, everyone is currently watching Zoro get his wound reopened courtesy of Cabaji and not really listening to him.

“Is he seriously going to fight with that wound? Luffy! Why are you just _standing_ there??”

Luffy fails to answer, but Kaz knows the crew rule and decides it’s best that Nami knows now. “He can’t. That’s Zoro’s fight. Cabaji called Zoro out and Zoro answered. We can’t interfere, they won’t let us.

Also don’t worry so much, Zoro’s a fucking tank. He ain’t going anywhere. Though he could hurry this up a bit, honestly. **I** could beat up Cabaji and that’s just sad.”

He tried for comforting, but Kaz is still getting used to having tangible emotions in his voice. Nami mostly heard his very real dismissal of what, to her, must be real danger. She’s biting her nails and gasping at each hit Zoro takes. Kaz is kind of hoping Zoro wrecks that guy, like soon. All this exposition is painful to watch in real time.  

“Is that enough of a handicap for you? Because I’m about to show you the difference between you and me…” Zoro’s voice is rough with strain but he is standing straight and loose limbed, ready to fight. “My aim is to be the world’s Greatest Swordsman; I won’t lose to anyone who considers themselves a swordsman.”

Cabaji comes back with something inane and useless as he is. Kaz’s impression of the man wasn’t great to begin with, but hearing him talk like he’s actually got skills is taking a toll on his patience. When Nami says she refuses to watch them get maimed any further he decides he might as well go with her. Cabaji is literally throwing children’s tops at Zoro and for some reason Zoro hasn’t stabbed the guy yet… ‘ _Yea, definitely going to go watch Nami’s back._ ’

“Yo, Luffy. I’m going to go see if Nami needs help, you got this right?”

“No worries, Kaz-u.” *STOMP* Kaz cringes a bit as Luffy curb stomps Buggy’s hand. ‘ _Yikes, that had to hurt._ ’

Kaz heads off, secure in his knowledge that Buggy isn’t anything to worry about. He slips off down an alley and catches up to Nami as she’s trying to talk her way out of a confrontation with a drunken stooge. Without much warning Kaz dissipates and swoops in to launch a Fisti-puff right in the guy’s face. He gets a lot of satisfaction out of how distant the thud of the guy touching back down is.

“….Where did you even come from?” Nami asks in a confused tone.

Kaz huffs “That’s a _long_ story, but I followed you in case Luffy missed some of those guys with the Buggy-ball. Can’t have our new Navigator injured, can we?” He says jovially.

Her expression sours “I already told your captain that I’ll never be a pirate.”

“Ah, as a very dapper pigeon once told an adorably naïve little mouse ‘Never say Never’”

“What?”

Kaz isn’t sure why he tries anymore. No one **ever** gets his references here. “Just we aren’t like Buggy, Nami. Surely, you’ve noticed? We…” Kaz struggles to find the right words here, Luffy is hard to define. “We don’t hurt people because we are stronger than them, like ever. Especially Luffy. It’s a rule, a self-imposed one that we all share. To us, being a pirate just means freedom and adventure.

Just look at what Luffy’s choosing to do with his day.

He’s out there starting a fight with Buggy for no real reason other than that Mayor-guy was nice to us and told us about the town is his treasure.”

Nami stares at him sharply, looking for something in his eyes he’s sure. “We’re just a bunch of idiots who dare to dream as big as we can. And we’d be super happy to have you on board you know? World’s Best Navigator has a nice ring to it.” Kaz ends with a smile. Trying his best to make sure the seeds of friendship are there. He and Luffy have definitely made sure she knows the bridge is there for her. It’s really all he can do. Her trauma with pirates isn’t going to be healed in an afternoon of, for them, light adventure.

Nami shakes her head after a moment “I’m sure you believe that, that you are good people. And—and Luffy might be helping the town, but…I can’t. I can’t trust that you’ll always be that way.”

Kaz stills smiles at her through her nicest rejection yet. “That’s okay. Luffy—well none of us really, will forget about you. If you change your mind, just, uh, follow the property damage you’re sure to find Luffy at least. Or just look for the dinghy going in circles, we’ll probably still be in East Blue, come to think of it.”

Nami laughs, knowing that’s probably true no doubt. Kaz mentally awards himself with a pat on the back. Having successfully reached out to his favorite character and maybe, just maybe, made her feel less trapped with her awful circumstances is a moment to treasure.

Speaking of treasure Nami quickly shanghaies him and orders him to gather some dusty table cloths they can see to help Nami wrap up what treasure she can carry. Or he can carry as it turns out. Nami is very persuasive and before he really understands what’s happening, he’s hauling 4 piles of gold and gems back up to street level.

Nami seems extremely pleased not having to cherry pick what’s coming with her and what isn’t. Kaz hopes this means she’ll be a lot closer to her goal and some piece of mind. Arlong might not be planning to abide by their deal at all, but it’ll give Nami some breathing room until that happens.

Kaz helps carry what has to be his weight in treasure back to the street. And he isn’t sure if she does it on purpose or not, she’d certainly tell if she did, but Nami leads them back towards the fight. As they approach an alley that would take right into the middle of the fray, Kaz can hear Buggy’s cackling.

Nami motions him to stay with treasure, which is a kind of promotion he thinks. Nami at least trusts him enough to not run away with her gold. So, he stays put but does place some of his burden down. From everything he knows about this fight, Luffy doesn’t even really get serious during it until Buggy pisses him off by damaging his hat.

Doesn’t seem to have happened yet and Kaz is sure that his expertise won’t be needed. He’d take a nap if he trusted his luck enough to not ruin the plot while he wasn’t looking.

He can see Nami shiver as she watches the fight go on. Objectively, watching Luffy stretch well past the normal human limits and Buggy literally dismember himself as an escape tactic must be hella weird for the uninitiated.

There’s a faint “YOU BASTARD!” from the street and Kaz reckons that Buggy just hurt The Hat and now things will be wrapping up a little quicker. ‘ _Thank Oda, these fights take **way** too long in real time._ ’

Nami turns and asks him about the hat, remembering that Luffy told her something vague about it being his treasure and promise to Shanks originally, he answers her truthfully.

“He got that hat from like his pirate-mentor-dad-guy. It’s super important to Luffy that he keeps all his promises and he promised to gather a crew, become a pirate, and get tough enough to go find Shanks and give him that hat back.”

“Is that so…” Nami turns back to the fight as it ramps back up. He can tell she’s got something new on her mind as she watches closely and chew her lip.

That’s when Kaz hears Buggy getting closer and remembers something ‘Shit’  “Nami! Duck!”

“DID YOU THINK I’D LET YOU GET AWAY SO EAS--!!!” before Kaz punch Buggy with his Fisti-puff the man’s face contorts and the flying torso drops to the ground. Luffy who is the loudest person anywhere shouts after him.

“Did _you_ forget? You’re still dealing with me!”

Kaz takes a moment to appreciate a rare moment of Luffy-brand sass before “That’s it, I’m getting the BIG BOOT.” He takes a well drawn back swing with his leg and—

*Fwoosh*

\--sends a vertical blast of air out to sweep Buggy from their hiding place. Nami must feel safer now because she immediately starts berating Buggy about stealing this treasure fair and square.

“As a thief who only steals from pirates, I have just done so. So, this treasure is **_all_** mine now. Mlem~~~” sticking out her tongue at the beaten clown pirate for good measure.

“Ah, that makes sense!”

“NO IT DOESN’T STRAWHAT. I’ll make you pay for that Nami!

CHOP CHOP…Festival!!!”

Buggy falls apart in chunks which is so very disturbing…the inner bits just look like raw chicken. Kaz thinks it could be worse…it could be eldritch horror levels of disturbing after all. Instead just incredibly weird looking. ‘ _Blergh_ ’

There’s not a terrible amount of time before Buggy starts causing havoc again and proving that he is an idiot while also being a shit-person. He goes after Nami again, corning her at the mouth of the alley, and Kaz’s distraction cause him to be a second late, thankfully Luffy already grabbed the man’s foot and provides a hilarious distraction.

Nami, having quite enough of this day, proceeds to beat the absolute heck out Buggy with the bag of treasure she’d had with her. It’s actually kind of funny. She doesn’t stop yelling the entire time and Kaz can’t stop giggling at it.

Nami should be really proud of herself too. Not only does she beat Buggy senseless with a bag of stolen gold, she has the forethought to not stand there and giggle at the semi-conscious clown like he and Luffy are doing.

Instead Nami is following canon to a T and goes to gather all Buggy’s parts minus his hands and feet it seems. Because Buggy is standing there after trying to gather his parts, failing to look even vaguely menacing, and is about 3ft shorter than he should be. And Kaz…well he can’t help himself.

“So that’s how they fit in the clown car!”

Buggy is spluttering and clearly the shock of being a chibi hasn’t worn off yet for him. Or that was just a really epic burn for him. But Luffy is on top of things as usual and finally ready to end this nonsense. Someone besides Kaz really needs to learn when to end a joke.

“Way to go, Nami! GUMGUM BA-ZOOKA!” Shouts a gleeful Luffy as sends Buggy blasting off so far they lose sight of him over the horizon.

“Thank fuck that’s over…” is all Kaz has to offer now that his target is out of sight. No sense making fun of someone who can’t hear the hilarity. Luffy is back to being his cheerful self and proclaims that he’s satisfied with how things went.

Nami sees the damage to Luffy’s hat and offers to fix it up for him as well as give him the bag of treasure that she beat Buggy half-unconscious with. It’s startling generous considering what he knows about her. What he knows about her village…maybe she’s warming up to them just fine after all.

Even if she brushes it off as having too much to carry anyway. She even forks over the map they “needed” to find the Grandline. Kaz is 100% sure that if he said it’s right off of LogueTown, Nami could take them right to Reverse Mountain. But…for the sake of the PlotTM he carries on with the rest of the crew.

In other words, he keeps his mouth shut and helps Luffy scrape Zoro, still sleeping, off the pavement.

He hears Luffy again ask “So you’re going to be our Navigator, right?”

He says ‘Navigator’ like it’s not just a job but a title. And it is, for them, for their crew it’s an honored position…because they are all navigationally challenged at sea and not a single one of them can read a friggen map. Chart? Whatever.

Nami, of course, still refuses, but this time “But I’ll help you guys, it seems to be very profitable. And you’re not so bad…”

 “Wahoo!”

“AH, but remember I’m just helping you out as long as it benefits me. No further!”

“Got it! Hey Zoro! Wakeupwakeupwakeup. We won and we got a navigator!”

Kaz, who is holding Zoro upright at the moment can feel those ‘gentle’ taps Luffy is giving Zoro to wake him up. “Uh, Luffy? Maybe ease up…Zoro’s running low on blood.”

Snorting himself awake and making Kaz sway with a flew of his arm, Zoro comes to on the fifth tap to the face…more of a slap really for anyone but Zoro and Luffy. Kaz is starting to think that Luffy may not remember that normal people, not Kaz, are solid and therefore feel things a bit more acutely. Because, he would still think that a slap but the ache wouldn’t really register…he’s set a horrible standard for the rest of the crew.

There’s a rumble of a mob of feet heading their way as Zoro blearily turns them around. “Hey Zoro, I’m people not a crutch. Oh…that’s a lot of angry villagers.”

He feels Zoro tense over his shoulder as Luffy, the idiot, tells the villagers that **_he_** was the one who knocked the Mayor out not the pirates…well other pirates.

“Luffy, don’t tell them that!” Nami hushes their idiot captain.

“But I did. You saw it!”

“Yes, but you had a good reason…”

Kaz wishes he could explain to her why it’s just not worth it and gathers himself to propel himself down the alley to grab their spoils. He gently shifts Zoro so that he’s leaning more on Luffy. And winks at him when Zoro gives him a questioning look. Free of Zoro’s considerable weight, Kaz takes advantage of Luffy being the center of attention and slips away.

“Yea, we’re Pirates” ‘ _Perfect timing Luffy._ ’

Kaz grabs all four bags, trusting that Luffy will leave his portion behind as in canon. He takes the long back to the docks and it’s a little hard to run hauling so much loot. ‘ _I have never had to say that in my life nor have I ever been this ecstatic to have the opportunity._ ’

Giggling to himself he finally hits the dock just in time to hear the Mayor’s heartfelt thank you. It’s really sweet and probably has nothing to do with that mild concussion Luffy gave him. Nope.

“Hey mister Mayor. Glad you’re not dead, uh Luffy left you something.” He points to the dock, where a bag of loot lays. His voice must carry a bit because suddenly Nami is trying to drown Luffy in between the ships. ‘ _Ooops_ ’

To prevent mutiny, he takes aim and this time really concentrates on where he let’s go of the bags of treasure. “Kaze: Roulette.”

The four shots are spread between the two ships and on nearly does beam Luffy and Nami in the heads where they are still scrapping between the ships, but Nami is a quick thinker and grabs it before it sinks.

Luffy is an unfortunate casualty and winds up half drowned by the time Kaz manages to float over. He lands lightly and gets a very happy greeting from Nami. He’s very clearly her favorite pirate in the whole world right now and that pleases him immensely. Zoro is suitably impressed too when he opens one of the ones that landed in their boat.

“Nice work, Kaz” ‘ _Finally, recognition!_ ’ he thinks at the praise. It’s not said with a ton of sentiment, but Zoro isn’t really know for that. And praise is praise and Kaz isn’t all that picky. He’s lived with Luffy far too long for that.

“Yea, should keep us fed for awhile, even with this bottomless pit around” Kaz says as he uses Luffy as seat. Which is fine, because it totally serves the purpose of getting all the sea water out of his captain at the same time. ‘ _Multitasking for the win._ ’

Zoro is quietly thinking of how much booze he can buy.

Nami is dreaming of her home and tallying up her savings.

Kaz is still sitting on his captain and longing for a steak dinner he doesn’t have to eat in a locked windowless room to enjoy.

Luffy when he comes to dreams of the open ocean and finding more friends to explore it with. And a really cool ship…or maybe a statue of himself…that would be pretty neat too he thinks. His idea is not met with a lot of approval from the rest of the crew, but as ever, Luffy is undaunted.

And on they sail, now numbering 3 crew members and a tentative fourth. At least this time they have an actual heading.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the flip side to Heroes and Dumb-asses.   
> The third part of this series will be whenever I get around to writing the Saobody Arc.


End file.
